Wandering (Alice)

[Silverwren]

Silverwren walked along the edage of the forest, her head hung
low and her steps were heavy. She was hungry hunting ws
becoming harder and harder, the Lera just seemed to becoming
faster, her silver coat lost its shine and her ears drooped.
night was coming and soon would be the time for her to try
again, a chance to escape the hunger. she smelt the sweet smell
of a deer and hastened after it. the smell became stronger and
so was her urge to follow it.

suddenly she broke though in to a clearing, a group of deer were
eating their dinner with a sleepy happyness.
she got down on her haunches and stalked the nearest buck, he
had a slight club foot giving her the advantage of speed and
endurance. suddenly she ran towards them,
apon noticing their lunch was about to interupted they ran,

Silverwren was quicker though and soon she had the buck
around the neck. she dropped it, a look of relief and her face.
tonight i will eat, she thought, sleepyness overcame her and she
fell asleep.

[Alice]

My mind's racing so fast,
That it's hard to breathe,
Hard to see.
Because my mind is surrounded,
With thoughts of you,
And it's diseasing me.

The lands of Koran were too quiet. Utterly quiet. Ominously quiet. The only sound that could be heard on the wind was a padding of light paws. The bird's songs were gone, along with the rustling of the leave. Nothing was about... or maybe it was. An ivory figure dashed through the trees, her pace accelerating, the reverberating sound like a repetitive heartbeat. Her mind, usually such a calm thing, was in a fistful of rage. It raced faster then the speed of her pounding paws. It struck, it fought against itself, roughly pushing those horrid thoughts away, locking them up. Locking the doors to her mind was all she knew. In a life full of horror, full of hate, what else was there to do? A memory can't just be erased no matter how much one wanted it to. It was always there, so shoving it way, locking it up, worked the best.

Mind racing, the ivory faemme stared straight ahead, her eyes cloudy with her disease. Her ears swerved constantly to catch every last sound that was uttered in the lands of Koran. But all they caught was the sound of her own paw steps, for the lands of her home were silent and deadly. If the female wolf hadn't been running, she would have shivered at the silence in the area. It should be alive with voices, she thought furiously. Home shouldn't feel this lonely.

But it did feel lonely. It always had. Even with Silverwren, who was one of her closest friends, was in the pack. Right now, it seemed to the faemme like nothing mattered. Nothing at all. She was better off dead. No one would care if she committed suicide by jumping off a cliff. She had nothing that was holding her here. Perhaps the world would be better without poor, blind Alice. What good was she anyway? She was nothing but a poor fool, trapped in her own torturous mind. If she didn't kill herself, her memories surely would. There was no way she could survive with those words branded onto her head.

Pushing the thoughts away before she could rethink the words, she forced herself faster, running away from her memories. A scent on the breeze caused her to stop though, for she recognized it. "Silverwren," she breathed and followed the scent. It wasn't long before she sensed her friend asleep, a meal laying before her paws. Somewhat cautious, she approached her friend and nudged her face with her nose. "Wake up, my friend, it's me. Alice."

[Silverwren]

Silverwren had been dreaming, horrid tormented thoughts filled
her brain with sadness. She felt alone, she had not seen her
friends for a while and her mind needed sombody to talk to or
she was going to go grazy. her dream was of a wood. a dark
wood filled with the hopless voices of lost souls, she didn't want
to become one of them, yet they were chasing her, on and on
she ran away, until she came to a point were to natural desire to
sleep filled her brain with a cloudy happy feeling. In her dream
she slept, the souls of the lost working her way toward her until..

"Wake up friend, its me Alice"

this simple sentance brought her back from the deadness of her
sleep. she woke hurried and lost and stood up to fast, sending a
dissy feeling to her brain.
she shook her head and turned to face her friend.
" oh, hello, Alice, i was having the weirest dream, it filled me with
a sadness that i have never felt before" she looked at Alice
hoping her friend would be able to help, she herself did not look
the best, she ssemed worn out,
" are you ok, Alice?, you seem a little um.. worried"

[Alice]

It's so hard that I try to bury it,
Pretend that you didn't exist so I can be strong.
But I feel sick and I feel diseased,
Because everyone abandons me,
And I can't move along.

Grinning slightly at her friend, Alice was relieved to see her good friend again. It had been a whole other lifetime ago when they had last been together. It had been when Silverwren was taking her to her home in Koran, for a visit. The trip had ended soon after their arrival to Silverwren's home-- which was now Alice's home too-- and they had parted way. But the memory was branded into her head-- like all her memories were. She had loved this place, Koran, when her friend had showed it to her and so, after she had thought herself old enough, she sought out the place and asked to dwell within the pack-lands as a member.
Yes, that had been a long time ago. A lifetime ago. It had been before she had met Channon, before she had fall off that waterfall, back when she had been able to see. It had been before her closest friend had gone away, before she had met Genocide, before the attack from Red February. Before her life had really began. And it had been before--

Her thought, her reminiscing, was caught off by the sound of her friend's voice. "Oh, hello, Alice, I was having the weirdest dream, it filled me with a sadness that I have never felt before." Alice cocked her head at her friend's words, but offered no soothing words just yet for she was cut off by the rest of Silverwren's speech, asking if she was okay. But was she okay? Could she lie and tell her friend that she was fine? Could she do that, even though Silverwren would understand that she wasn't telling the truth? Silverwren had seen through her shield of iron, something that no one else had done before. Perhaps, maybe, Alice should tell Silverwren the truth then. Tell her everything. Tell her that she wasn't okay and she never would be.

Alice sighed heavily and looked away as she answered. "No, I'm... really not okay, Silverwren." Swallowing hard, she looked back in Silverwren's direction and continued. "It's been hard; living has. I don't know if I can stand to live another day. I..." Her voice trailed off into nothing, into silence, and she couldn't bring herself to tell her friend.


( >.< so bad, sorry. )

[Silverwren]

When you sleep, the night seemes to begin and end, almost as if by sleeping you missed it, but, when you wake in the morning you feel refreshed. so in the end you knew it was there, you just passed it by.
Silverwren had been worring about Alices words, it seemed that she was sad, unhappy and worried but unable to tell Silverwren why, she had known this feeling, it was hard to explain, like a baloon you want to burst but no matter how many pins you put in it, the baloon just didn't want to."No, I'm... really not okay, Silverwren." Swallowing hard, she looked back in Silverwren's direction and continued. "It's been hard; living has. I don't know if I can stand to live another day. I..."
" Alice, there is somthing wrong, your eyes are failing but you are still a young wolf and you seem, somhow sad" Silverwren said

[Alice]

She sighed again, still looking away because she didn't want Silverwren to see her eyes. What would she think then, after knowing that Alice was blind? Would that change things? Or not? Alice knew that it wouldn't change that Channon had done this to her, or that she no longer was a friend to Zabarack, who now called himself Neithan, though she missed him everyday. Life would never go back to normal, to the way it used to be, no matter how much one wished it would. Alice sighed again, waiting for her friend to speak. When she did, it caught her off guard, for it was not what she had expected.

And what could she say to this? A shiver racing down her spine, she turned now to look at Silverwren again, wondering what her eyes looked like. "Yes, Silverwren," she said, sorrowful, her feelings ringing with ever word. "I am sad... if that is what you want to call it. Feel stronger then that though." She sniffed, gritting her teeth for saying too much. No matter how much she wanted to tell her friend, she could not tell her too much. There were things in her life that she didn't want to share.

Nonetheless, she forced herself to continue. "Yes, my friend..." Her voice trailed off and she restarted. "Yes, Silverwren. I am blind." Hanging her head, embarrassment and guilt surged through her in large amounts. Would it ever stop? she wondered.

//OOC: Sorry that this post is so short. I didn't have much to work with and I'm a bit rusty after not posting in a week. Sorry.

[Silverwren]

when Silverwren had first met alice she was a young bouncing and cheerfull wolf, now even though she was still young she seemed older and sadder.
Silverwren saw the sadness in her eyes when she said she could not tell her what was wrong, Silverwren understood this, some things needed to be kept to ones self.
the thought that Alice was vlind seemed to shock Silverwren, Alice had shown no signs of failing sight when they first met, but that did not matter to much, there are many bling wolves that go on the lead an almiost normal life.
" Alice, maybe you shoot consult sombody on this, one of the pack memebers may be able to help you. i would but i don't know how", she voice drained off sadly, she hated seeing her friend like this and it seemed there was nothing she could do.
(( sorry its so short))

[Alice]

//OOC: Sorry for the shortness. This post was rushed. =P//


"Consult someone?" she asked, voice bewildered, her head snapping back at once. No one would want to listen to her petty problems. After all, everyone had there own to worry about. It would only make things worse if she talked to someone about it; she'd worry that she was boring them or wasting their precious time. Besides, Koran didn't have someone like that, someone who would listen to another's worry or troubles. What had given Silverwren this crazy idea? "Oh, yes, because someone will listen. Sure," she sneered, continuing. "And who would you suggest I talk to? Because to me, I've got no one." Alice was aware that her words might hurt her friend, but she couldn't stop herself from saying them because they were the true. No one would help. Not even Silverwren. Oh, they might listen and oh they might try to help, but that still would change things things. It never did.

Turning her back to her friend, she tried to concentrate about something else, but to no avail. Her mind kept bringing itself back to what Silverwren had said, thinking about wither she was right. It didn't seem likely that someone to try to help her by listening to her worries, to her troubles. But what if Silverwren was right and someone would listen? No, Alice shook her head, turning back to her friend again, sighing heavily. Nothing would change and no one would help. Talking wouldn't change a thing.

Exhaling in a gust, she forced herself to say calm. She didn't want to hurt Silverwren, physically or emotionally. To distract herself, she said with feeling, "Thanks, but no thanks. Sorry." She hoped that her friend would understand and lay low. Wanting to bring the conversation away from her, she asked feigning happiness, "So what's up with you these days, Silverwren? Something exciting must have happened to you since we last talked."

[Silverwren]

There was a worry in Alices eyes that had not been there before Silverwren suggested help, she knew somthing was wrong and she would listen but Silverwren did not have superpowers and she was not a healer so all she could do was support her friend.
"Oh, yes, because someone will listen. Sure," she sneered, continuing. "And who would you suggest I talk to? Because to me, I've got no one."
this shocked Silverwren but she did not mind Alice's shortness, there was somthing wrong with her and she knew that she meant no harm so retaliating meanly would be usless,
" Alice i understand that you think that nobody can help you, but, trust me if you keep somthing inside it will fester and grow stonger and get worse without sombody to tell and let it out" she finished a little worried she didn't want to offend Alice but wanted to help her.sensing that Alice wanted to end to conservation she stop talking.
"So what's up with you these days, Silverwren? Something exciting must have happened to you since we last talked."
"oh, ive been alright nothing much has happened, ive been wondering and thinking about what to do now"

[Alice]

//OOC: Again, sorry this post is bad. I usually write better then this, but I've had a lot to deal with the past few days. Breaking Dawn is coming out and my mind keeps bringing that up and getting excited. And then there's the litter of puppies my dog had.... //


Listening to Silverwren, she knew her friend was right. It was obvious, but she wished that it weren't true. Opening her maw to speak, she said in a tone full of misery, "I know it will Silverwren, believe me, I know." She paused with a sad shake of her ivory head. "I don't want this... to take over my life, I don't. But I don't want to talk to anyone about it either. That will only made things worse, I just know it." Alice looked back at Silverwren, a friend she had known since her name was Thalia, and felt sympathy for her, even though she was the one who was getting the sympathy. But she didn't want it. Because she was the same as always, only a little different. Of course now she couldn't see, but that was no big deal, not anymore.

"I'm sorry, my friend," came her voice, "If it would help to talk to someone, I would must defiantly talk to you. But I'm afraid that it won't help, so what's the point?" The sad, grim smile returned to her face. Her head ducked down, her yes closing. It's been a long day. And the sickly-sweet smell of Silverwren's kill was causing her stomach to rumble hungrily. A yawn rose up in her throat and escaped past her teeth. The bi-hued fae listened silently as Silverwren answered her last question.

When she finished, Alice smiled again. Sliding down into a lay, she placed her head on her paws and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the annoying grumbling of her stomach. "Ah Silverwren," she mumbled with a sigh.

[Silverwren]

//ooc sorry it sucks, i wasn't really concentrating//

Silverwrens mind was trubled with thoughts of what she was to
do now, would she contiue living as a pack member or leave or
what? although she wouldn't leave until Alice was well, or
whatever was wrong with her was fixed. " Alice maybe you
should leave here for a while, go on o journey, go be alone, but
how would you hunt? scavaging is no way for Putnar, no i don't
think that would work, but we could will think of somthing".

" how far do the lands of koran reach?, they cannot be that
far".she said wondering what alice would say

[Alice]

//OOC: Note to self~ This thread happens before Alice adopts Chiaroscuro and Della. //


Eye lids drooping as sleep threatened to overcome her, Alice lay with her ivory head on her paws, listening without a word to the sounds around her. The morning birds chirped in greeting, their music irksome and appeasing at the same time, lolling her into a deep slumber. However, she fought against her heavy eyes, determined not to fall asleep while she was still conversing with her friend. "I don't know Silverwren...." came her muffled voice, her maw barely moving, groggy as she fought off the tiredness in her body. "I really don't know what I can do. I've tried everything-- well, almost anyway. I haven't tried running away...." Her voice trailed off at the thought of running away from this, from her problems, from everything. Would it help? Could that ease the... the guilt or the sadness? Hardly.

Alice shook her head (though it was hardly a shake as her head was still on her paws). "No, Silverwren," she said with a more forceful voice. "Kiola and Sephru taught me to never run away." From her tone, if Silverwren had been listening closely enough, she would have heard the gratitude and longing that Alice felt whenever she spoke of her long-lost parents. She missed them dearly and she didn't even know if they were still living. A tiny, almost insignificant whine broke in her throat and passed through my gaped maw.

She remembered her parents easily, as if it had only been yesterday that they had disappeared. She remember the warmth from them after a long day of constant snow and cold. She, too, remembered the snow, the mounds and mounds of snow that pored from the skies day after day in the north Arctic, the Hyucha Clan. After a long day of never-ending cold, she remembered that it had felt wonderful to curl up next to her mother, to feel the heat drifting off her soothing fur in waves. And her father, so brave, so kind, and hunting for the family. Those were the old days, the good days, the ones before her world had been tainted with the horror of man and pain and love and loss and hopelessness and fear.

Alice sighed, coming back to the present. "Maybe," she murmured, thinking about the friends she'd left behind in the north. "Maybe a visit to my old home would help... maybe."

[Silverwren]

Silverwren could see that Alice was tired. her voice was now
begining to sound muffled and her eyes drooped. but she
continued to talk and Silverwrn would listen. "Alice do you want
to sleep. we can keep talking after you have woken up anyway i
find that sleeping on a problem can help it. she said this in an
effort to keep the conversation light. after that maybe a vist to
your home. we may find clues to where your mother and father
vanished to"

(( sorry for the shortness))

[Alice]

//OOC: Yay, somewhere to post with Alice! *huggles*Again note to self: this thread happens before Alice adopts Della and Chiaroscuro. //

Alice tried to shrug off the sleep that threaten to make her collapse, but it was harder then she'd thought. When was the last time she'd gotten a good night's sleep? Yesterday? The day before? All the days seemed to blurred into nothingness because none of them really mattered. It was like walking around blind (as it truly was). She didn't care about anything, not even herself. The days had passed without disturbance; she'd walked and wandered, not sure what she was looking for but looking anyway. There'd been no point to it all. After all, Jasper was dead, Zabarack was gone (although she tried to convince herself that she hated him, she know it was a lie), and she was frightened of almost everything now. Because of Channon.

And Tor and Fenris. How could they let all of this happen to her? What had she ever done wrong? Why hadn't they fought the Evil One to protect her? So much for the Gods. They were nothing but stories for pups, now anyway. After everything she had been though, now she didn't believe in them anymore. Not Zostar or Tor or Fenris. Not even Wolfbane. All they were were fables and stories.

Alice sighed, keeping her head low. When she spoke to Silverwren again, her voice had taken a mournful and tender tone. "Silverwren... no. I don't want to go to sleep." She shook her head slowly, a cheerless smile stretched forcefully across her face. Sleep would bring nothing good or beneficial. It would only bring nightmares and shadows, sharp fangs and dripping blood. It would only consist of shrieks of pain and howls of help. Horrible creatures would stalk the shadows in the dreams, hunting, watching, waiting.... They would strike, attack, torture.... And it would never be over till the sun was high, till stupid Fenris's eye was straight up in the blue sky. And Alice wouldn't feel at all rested.

That was why she hadn't slept in days. But there was no way she'd tell Silverwren that. "We?" she continued when she'd regained herself. "What do you mean "we"?" I wouldn't put you in that position, my friend. I'm not even sure I remember the way. I'd be going alone." Alice forced a smile upon her maw and looked up at her friend. "It would probably be best if I left. Maybe it would help. But I can't take you with me, Silverwren, I can't!" She tried to picture that, herself walking with Silverwren at her side. What if they got lost? Alice wasn't sure if she knew the way there and the last time she had made the trip, she'd been able to see. And now that sense was taken away from her too. "I'm sorry Silverwren, but when I leave, I'll leave alone."

[Silverwren]

Now she could understand Alices pain. she wanted to be alone.
that somtimes happens when your head is so full of thoughts,
worries and desires. somtimes you need a chance to be alone to
be wolf. Silverwren needed that chance when she was younger
now she knew how to clear her head of thoughts and just be
wolf.

somthing has happened to Alice. when Silverwren first met her
she was a happy young and ethusiastic wolf now though she
was still only young her mind seemed to have aged a hundred years.

"that is fine Alice, i understand bu tif you need me i'll be here,"
Alice needed sleep her eyelids were drooping and the features of
her face looked so tired.