We Must Reinvent Love [Hyde]

[Naga]

If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be

The place was just how she remembered. Cold and damp, engulfed in a thick murky darkness. It was everything one might expect in a cave, everything they would fear and despise. Everything she relished in. The cave fit her mood with it's depressing state and that was something to be savored, for there were not many that would relate to the fae. Not many that would waste time in her company. So the ability to relate, to fit in, was something to be cherished regardless of it's source. Still, the fae had been here for too long and for every moment she spent in the darkness it seemed her stomach twisted tighter in sickness. There was no air here, no clean breeze to cleanse her system. It was all musk and stench, stale remnants of the kills she'd drug into the close quarters. Of the bones that remained there. There were small alcoves in the cave, ruts in the wall that promised shelter they couldn't quite provide. It was in one of these corners that the fae herself remained. Her body stirred slightly, limbs darting out to chase away unseen phantoms. She was alone...and yet it didn't feel that way, hadn't felt that way in a long time. She felt haunted, a prisoner to the ghosts that pursued her wherever she traveled. The relentless spirits of her past, never giving up, never offering a moment of rest. She could feel that phantoms as if they were real, as if they were beside her whispering secretes and falsehoods in her ear. In the quite her pale eyes were locked straight ahead, seeing nothing of the world before her. A small whine came, barely a whimper slipping from her throat before it was quite again, the silence seeming to echo louder then any sound ever could.

Moments passed in the darkness or maybe hours, the fae never could quite be sure. It was all the same, each day passing the same as the last. Endless time marked only by the dull pangs that signaled it was time to eat again. Heaving quietly to her feet, the fae prepared to venture out from the protective cave walls. She took slow steps, more out of need then desire. The strength simply wasn't there, the grace that had once powered her movements. Rather she felt old and used up, wobbling on shaky limbs. Her face was first feel the sun, turned up slightly, eagerly for the small amount of joy that still existed in her life. The warmth of it, the golden rays, all flowing down to her in a comforting embrace, this too she savored. This was a luxury, one enjoyed only on the short trips out for prey before despair once more drove her to the darkness. A soft sigh came to her lips and for a moment the phantoms disappeared, their whispers falling silent in her ears. Demons could not reach here here, not yet. Pausing briefly at the cave's mouth, the fae placed one elegant paw over a small scratched patch of earth. Drawing the limb back, she felt her toes scrap across the soft ground to expose a bit of glitter beneath. Just the tiniest shard of gold lay there, placed long ago by one wolf the fae never ceased to think about. His image, his whispered voice never left her head, not even in the comfort of the sun. It was he that drove here here, he that took the strength from her body. Stoping only for a moment, the fae gazed quietly at the bit of shine. It seemed that a smile twitched at the corners of her mouth, lasting only seconds before disappearing completely. Before she forced herself to move past the memories that came with that misplaced gift.

Walking fully from the cave now, the fae was fully exposed to the light. Her body, once a thing of grace and beauty had now grown tired. Thin and wiry, the muscles that had been built there stretched across her frame like thick snakes hugging the fragile bones. She looked awkward and tired, dusted in dirt and spattered mud. The fae moved carefully across the earth until she came to a shallow stream. Another place of memories, another place of time wasted. Leaning over the gurgling water, she saw her face reflected in it's clear surface. Her gaze was detached, hollow of emotion be it sadness or not. There had once been such happiness in this place, such joy. Even in hunting the fae had found something to smile about, always savoring the skill it took to catch a fish from this river. Now though, it was about necessity and not joy. She did it to live and that was all. Stretching a golden leg out, the fae crouched carefully at the stream's edge and prepared to catch one more cold meal.

Maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet...

[Formaldehyde]

I hurt myself to see it too, to feel the knife I put in you
My heart as broken as my wings

Trudging onward, the lanky male felt heavier in body and soul than he ever had before. His steel eyes, usually so full of bright mischief, looked dully towards the approaching dawn. For the moment his dark secret was safe; his wretched deed was known only to himself and the fae who had shared his sin. While the one-night-stand had not been frowned upon by the ebon fae, it was her lifestyle, after all, it did serve as a considerate disruption in the already twisted life of the black and neon mann. The adulterous lifestyle had been his own for a time, and though for a moment he thought those times had passed, it had become apparent that some habits were never truly let go.

Alas, his latest excursion had not been out of habit, but choice! He had made the conscious decision to venture to the swamplands, to revert back to the barbaric behavior of his past, and for what end? For once the damage he had caused had been intended for himself, and it had certainly hit its mark. While the golden fae had been the motive behind his action, the choice had been his own; a blow intended to sever all ties between he and the fae, while at the same protecting her. He did not want her to catch wise to his lifestyle, to his poor decisions. In her eyes he knew he was already a monster, this he could not hide. He had hoped that his good might outweigh the bad, though he had proven to himself that the such a balance was not possible. She deserved better than his deceitful ways, much better. He had tried to give her the chance at a better life be removing himself from the picture, though it had only resulted in mutual suffering.

With the rising of the sun, he knew that his faults would be revealed. The world would see him for what he really was: selfish, malicious, a fool. To think of all he had thrown away sent tremors down his crooked spine; Occasionally he would snap at the air over his shoulders as though he was trying to keep his demons at bay. His steps were labored, yet deliberate; his destination was clear. He would venture back to a place that held meaning for him, such that he had found no where else. Surely the golden fae was far from that place, she had no doubt left it behind with all of its ghosts when she had realized her abandonment. He had formed no physical attachment to the cave, for it was not his den, not his home. At times, in thought, he would venture there. Times of hardship, times of pain, could be remedied with a strong will and vivid remembrance of the kindness and compassion that had transpired there. Such thoughts now resulted only in more pain, and guilt for his betrayal. He would venture there now to pay his respects to the paradise he would never reach, to utter confessions of his evil deed so they might eventually be laid to rest.

Leaving Sarnes long behind him, he had not far to go. The site of his salvation was located conveniently near that of his damnation. Releasing another sigh that rattled his whole frame, his gait seemed to slow as the landmark came into sight. It was brighter than he had remembered somehow; it shone more radiantly than it had before. True it had been raining the last time he had visited, though somehow it had seemed bright none the less with her near. Despite the cascading rays of sunlight, his spirit did not lift. He would find no gratification on this venture, nor personal satisfaction or sanctuary. He would simply try his best to purge himself of guilt, expose his soul, raw with hurt, to whatever gods existed and cared to hear his pleas for forgiveness. Following the worn path down to the mouth of the cave, his entire frame jolted, sending him all but falling back onto his tail. There, emerging from the shelter, was the golden fae. His jaw dropped in disbelief, teeth chattering with what could have been fear, anxiety; worry for being discovered.

She moved slowly, her old grace had been replaced by something more heavy; though her limbs moved as they would with weights attached to them, her motions still retained their charm. Tongue-tied, he knew it was too late to run, though his heart continued to race, pumping adrenaline and ignoring his pleas for silence. Had she seen him? If not she soon would, or hear his heavy, frenzied breathing. He had not anticipated her presence, why was she here? For a split second he was angry at her for standing in the way of his salvation, though the feeling quickly died down as he watched her, aware that the happenings unfolding were mere coincidence. Peering into the river, the fae seemed to lose herself in the clear waters and reflecting sunlight; for a moment she was as beautiful as he remembered, her golden aura drawing him out from the trees and moving his paws mechanically towards her. Stopping himself still yards away, he frantically searched for something to say. "Naga," he finally uttered quietly; her name was like soothing water on his tongue after a lifelong drought and crippling thirst. "You came back, too..." he said under his breath in a cracked voice, perhaps more to himself than the fae before him. His appearance was awkward and frumpled as he stood before her, his head held low in uncertainty and his air much less confident than usual. Her reaction was something he could not predict; anger, hate, spite, all seemed plausible, reasonable even. All was still around them as he waited for her acknowledgment, save for the calm rush of the river and the swift racing of his heart.

I never should've let it pass, this fall was never meant to last
The reason gone and damage stays

[Naga]

Heaven's gate is so near
Come walk with me through

The fae's attention wandered easily as she stood crouched at the river's edge. Her heart simply wasn't in it, no thrill for the kill, no desire to bring more bones back to the cave, to fill that need for sustenance when so many aches...so many other needs continued to go unslaked. It was like a vicious cycle these days, each bringing a new reason for the wolf to convince herself into denying one more aspect of life. Be it food or exercise or just the simple upkeep of her pelt, she found reason to avoid them all. To drive everything back until it became absolutely necessary. And it had gotten so easy. Drawing her leg back from it's position poised over the glimmering water, Naga stood back to her full hight. There would be no fish tonight, not now, the pit of her stomach didn't hurt quite enough. That's what it was about, in the end, it was all how much control you had. After all, she was going to hurt no matter what...regardless of what she ate or did or didn't do. It didn't seem as if anything could ever change that, but damned if she didn't make the choice where that hurt came from. And sometimes, just on the rare occasion that it was bad enough, the quaking hunger in her would drive out all other thoughts. Give her blessed relief from the regret and turmoil of her past. So it was worth it, in the end it was always worth it. A vicious cycle, each turn just as bad as the last, no way to escape.

The fae's lithe body tensed suddenly, her muscles drawing tight under pale skin. Her ears twitched slightly, straining to pick up the slightest sounds. For a moment she thought there'd been someone there, a presence besides herself. Yet no other sound came, no footsteps or snapping twigs. Her lips pulled tight across her face in a bitter smile, cursing the hope she'd felt at that stray sound. At the warmth filled her in even entertaining the idea that someone was coming to near, someone besides herself was in the area, that maybe it was him, that he was returning. Such stupidity.., she hissed violently in her head, turning quickly and sharply. Naga seemed about to make a b-line straight back to the to the cave's comforting embrace, but rather then rushing over her feet stopped cold in their tracks. Pale eyes locked on the figure before her, his presence alone rendering her beyond action. There he was, the one she'd waited for, pined for. The source of so much pain and yet, the soul being who had managed to gain control over her heart. "Hyde..", her voice matched the mann's, coming out low and wispy as if she dare not speak his name aloud. For a moment the male's two toned face flashed Naga back to memories even more vivid then those that lived in her mind. It was as if she was back in that time again, when everything was still so fresh and still so hopeful. A true smile cross her face then, brief but bright in it's existence. His voice came to her, sweet and comforting, saying just what she needed to hear...

"...But I'll come back to you, I promise.."

It had been upon their last true meeting that he'd said this, their last moments together before everything went to hell. He'd seemed so sincere and true, Naga had grieved but she hadn't doubted him. Not then. Unfortunately, with the good came the bad and the fae soon found her memory traveling to that fateful day on the mountaintop, to the day that she had almost allowed her anger to truly have control. And his voice then, absent of all kindness had lashed out at her, had done more damage then even Hyde knew. Still...it was the good moments that she chose to remember then, that she latched onto with desperate grip. Perhaps he really had come back, perhaps it was finally happening, that it wasn't too late, that even the worst can be forgiven.

"I didn't come back.", Naga finally whispered, her face breaking it's frozen expression. "This is my home...I have nowhere else to go." For a moment she thought to take a step forward, to fill the gap between her and the mann. But it seemed almost improper, as if she no longer at the right to be near him. Involuntarily her eyes roved his body, searching for the places that her teeth had tore at, for the wounds that had once been her doing. Settling instead for a more relaxed position, Naga remained where she was, tilting back against her haunches. "I didn't think to see you here again.", she murmured. "And since you can't possibly be here for me, I'd be curious to know your intentions. You'll understand if I'm not quite as good at reading them as I once might have...thought I was." Because for all her hope, all her desperation, the fae was a realist. She'd felt the burn of disappointment enough times to know when it was on the horizon, to know when something could not be avoided. Hyde had presented this feeling enough times to her in the past. Enough so that she would have been a fool to allow him the show of immediate happiness that was glowing just below her surface.

Just like we use to, just like we use to

[Formaldehyde]

I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you

The hushed tones of her voice speaking his name brought his sunken eyes up to meet her face. Had an objective listener been present, they might have commented on the change of timbre in the golden fae's vocals. Before she had encountered the emaciated mann her voice had been filled with pride, both for herself and her independence. Her rich lyrics had been laced with wit and passion, and held sweet sarcasm for situations that called for it. Her voice had been the sweetest he had ever heard, and though the objective listener would beg to disagree, he still found the sound of her vocals pleasing, almost soothing, if not for the pain and mistrust within them. Her appearance, too, had changed for the worst. An objective observer would notice a more ragged and unkempt pelt wrought with dirt and dried blood. Her once healthy frame was now tired and worn, ready to collapse on its carrier from the weight of the burdens it carried. And her eyes, once so vibrant with ardent appreciation for life, were now sullen and indifferent. Still, despite these newly-formed faults, Hyde found himself captivated by her. A golden aura still encompassed her frame; at least in his mind, she was whole.

For a moment his muzzle wore a smile to match her own, but it soon disappeared when hers faded into an unreadable mask. It seemed this disinterested expression had become the norm for her- had he really done all of this? Was he solely to blame? Surely depriving the world of such beauty, and this golden fae of such luster, was punishable only by eternal damnation. It felt as though the gods had already carried out such a punishment, for he would be cursed to walk the earth wracked with unshakable guilt for what he had done, the life he had stolen away. And still, listening to the lethargy in her voice, his sentence didn't seem enough.

Seeing her hesitate to move closer him sent his nerves jumping. He felt small shock waves being sent between them; unnatural forces that wanted to draw the two together while each side resisted. "Of course," he replied, feeling stupid for having assumed the fae had ever left. He fought the urge to sit as he watched the fae reposition herself. As he remained standing, he felt the skin beneath his fur grow hot as she questioned him. It was as though he had been isolated, singled out, and had a spotlight cast upon him. Though in his moment of shame, an unfamiliar scent wafted on the air. He had noticed it now for the first time, being so close to the fae, and realized it was coming from her pelt. It smelled bitter and wrong, the scent of another mann along with the telltale hint of musk and old desire. Despite his guilt, he felt a terrible jealousy flare up from the concealed depths of his soul; her doubt in his return only fueled the fire and caused his hackles to raise, his pupils dialating with momentary rage. "I told you I'd come back, didn't I? But you jumped the gun and made a mess of things! Maybe..." he paused, his anger giving him the bravery to take a step towards her, "Maybe you just wanted to believe you had been abandoned so that you could sneak away from me. Would you climb under any mann that would have you?" His voice was shaking with rage and sadness for the hateful words he was spitting and the potential truth they held. He had selfishly hoped that she would save herself for him, incase a reunion should ever happen into existence, but he was a fool to think it, even now. It wasn't fair to ask such a thing, nor to expect it, and somewhere deep within him a voice was screaming this, though he refused to listen. "Stop shouting at her!" it begged wildly, "Must you ruin everything?!" His alter ego was right and he knew it, perhaps it was this knowledge that kept him from stepping any farther over the forgotten line drawn in the sand.

"I had come hoping to find solace," he spoke bluntly, avoiding her gaze and still seething. "Though I see now, whatever the case, it was a wasted venture." He scoffed at his own hotheadedness, and at his vain hope for salvation. Turning on his heels he stepped away form her, first one paw and then another, having no more need nor hope for the shattered temple.

But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away

[Naga]

It was moments like this the kind that forever changed one's life. Moments when it seemed as if time had sped up and slowed down all the same, as if each second were an eternity and yet in the blink of an eye, all was said and done. And it was moments like this that one felt the strongest. Where the pain was indescribable and happiness reached the levels of euphoria, with nothing in between. The fae was familiar with these moments, it was as if she could feel them coming from a mile away. She had experienced several in her life, starting with life in her old pack and extending on through this whole ordeal with Hyde. And now, standing before him, the fae knew that such a moment was about to be made again. That the surge of happiness and warmth she'd felt at first seeing her long lost love were only the beginning, only a taste of what was all to happen.

She sat quietly as he spoke, absorbing his tentative first words. Her pale eyes focused on only him, seeing only him while the frazzled nerves within her buzzed with anticipation and foolish desire. It would not show on her face, but the feeling was there, the ultimate wish that things could be resolved right here and now. Yet just as those feelings coursed through her, the ones that came next were stronger then even she could have imagined. It was the pain that flooded her as Hyde continued to speak, as acid spilled into his voice, all directed at her alone. And the accusations that came, they somehow held more weight then anything he had ever said to her before. Because they were true, at least it part. She had jumped the gun. And though for the briefest of moments, she'd chosen to forget, her encounter with the wolf Bane was still very much an open wound. But it was because of who the speaker was, and not his words, that truly caused the hurt. It was because though she'd felt rejection and coldness from the male, even loneliness at his absence, this somehow felt like more. More personal, more then she could handle. "Wh..what?", the fae stammered quietly, her voice useless for any real protest. At the corners of her mouth, slight tremors twitched and vibrated as she clenched her jaw tight. As she struggled to maintain her composure. She felt exposed and afraid under the confinement of gaze, as if his blue eyes had trapped her in that single spot. And it was then that she closed her own eyes, only for a moment, only for a second. But when she opened them again, Hyde was already turning away.

The sight of his retreating form shocked the fae out of her frozen stance and she was immediately on her feet. Everything was slipping away and Naga could think about was the fact that when night fell and morning came again, she would be facing another day alone. Another day just like this one, with many more to follow. An endless cycle of exile and suffering. "What do you expect?", she shouted suddenly and forcefully. For the future life ahead of her suddenly looked so bleak, so dark, that Naga couldn't face it. She knew unless there was some closure now, things would never be fixed. That she would never feel truly alive again. "When you treat someone the way you do...what kind of reaction do you expect?" Her voice was carefully modulated, accusing only in the nature of it's questions. Her tone remained neutral, tilting in slight curiosity. "Just tell me Hyde, tell me what you expect. Because I don't know if you've noticed, but I haven't handled any of this very well. I haven't recovered very well at all. And I don't understand. I don't understand how you can act the way you do. I don't understand how you could ask of me what you did...how you could leave me like you did. Do you get that Hyde? Do you get that I could smell you everywhere? That your scent lingered in the den's of others, on females, heavy and fresh. And do you get that I understood how you were? After all, you were not the perfect gentleman when we first met. You had only one goal in mind...and am I to believe that you treated other fae differently? That I was somehow special and deserving of such behavior?" The fae scoffed, true distaste showing for the first time since she started speaking again. "Do you get...", she continued, her voice now quite again, heavy with the emotion of her words. "Do you get that I wanted YOU? Only you. Not promises, no presents...but you.


The fae took a deep breath, feeling strangely relived to finally have the bulk of her feelings out in the open. If for no other reason then the fact that things would no longer remain unfinished. Whatever the outcome of this encounter, Naga would no longer be forced to carry around the words she'd never said. "Do you know...", she murmured quietly. "I know next to nothing about you? Here you are, caring some of the biggest details of my life and I haven't the slightest idea as to what you experienced before me. You don't let anyone in Hyde, you don't give anyone a chance. And it's too much weight for one to carry alone...it's too much to expect. You have to be open to something, anything...you have to make her feel that she's important. That she matters. It was strange but while speaking those last words, the fae felt at peace...void of all anger. There was a sudden soft quality about Naga as she spoke about her feelings, telling Hyde everything she longed to tell him. "I don't want to fight anymore", she finished. "I just want to be done...whatever that means. I want my life back. So tell me what you want and I'll do it. Tell me what it is you expect."

[Formaldehyde]

So be yearning all your life
Twisting, turning like a knife

He cringed at her words and slowed his motions to a stop. He had half-hoped that she might say something, anything, to get him to stay, though the harbored confessions that poured forth from her maw now were never things he would have wished to hear. He winced at the sting in her voice as though the very malice that resided there was enough to open all of his old wounds and send fresh blood seeping from them again. The muscles in his shoulders tensed as hard as stone while his hackles bristled wildly. For a moment he remained as he was, his scarred back to her, not allowing her accusations to be spat in his face. Soon though, he could take it no longer, and turned to face her, his features marred by anger that, for the moment, effectively hid the pain he was feeling.

"How I could act the way I did?" he spat, his pale eyes blazing, though when the time came to support his argument, he found he had nothing to say. Desperately he fumbled for an explanation that would lend reason to his hurtful actions, though it soon became apparent that such logic didn't exist. For once he was baffled, his maw fell silent though the snarl still sat upon it. He was floundering, his racing heart had sank into his stomach and there it lingered like a lead weight. The image of charm and finesse that he had worked so hard to achieve had faded all together, leaving him on his own now, in the form that was most true. He stood now, a pathetic excuse for a being with no answers, no reason as to why the fae before him should give him a moment more of her attention. He could feel his skin grow hot beneath his fur as he battled with his frustration, choking on words that would not come, debating whether or not he should reveal the only reason he had for his latest disappearance. "You..." his voice dripped, shifting the blame away from himself once more as a pitiful last resort. "You talk of hurt and betrayal and the pain you have suffered, and what of me? Do you think I don't bleed for my mistakes as well?" The two of them more animated now than their previous airs of tentative reserve would have allowed. "I bleed with the best of them, believe me. I even tried to make a change for you, Naga. Hah, not that I could expect you to see it." Whereas he had been slowly approaching her before, he seemed to be almost pacing now. His gaze was sporadic, steely eyes seemed to be searching for new targets just as his mind searched for words. "You were different, do you understand that? I meant what I said, that I loved you, and I wanted to stay, yes, I wanted to stay more than anything in the world. But I couldn't, plain and simple, I just couldn't." He was trying his best to articulate the dormant truths he had never before spoken of, though it was understandably difficult to reveal such private truths, especially in the heat of such accusations.

"I left this last time with the purest intentions. I left to find myself, to try and... resolve some of these internal issues that would otherwise keep me from you." His gaze fell sternly on her pale yellow orbs. "Then you came along, the very thing I was trying to distance myself from, your tongue hot with slandering accusations and filth that was the result of your own insecurities. Damnit, do you know just what you tore down that day? It was more than just me, Fenris knows you did a damn good job at that, almost cast me into the red meadow. You devastated all that I was trying to build up and left me to die on that god-forsaken mountain." his tone was a bitter hiss, for although he could find no excuse for his initial promiscuity, he doubted that the fae could find an excuse for her abandoning him to die alone. Unless, he thought to himself in solemn realization, Unless I had forced her to hate me that much. His healing wounds ached with the memories of the battle; they were still far from scarred over. He turned to her with a look of disdain, though in truth, he could not blame her entirely for the hatred she had shown him.

"It is not your place to try and punish me for all of the sins I have committed. You know only of the pain that you feel; You cannot begin to know how I have suffered." His face was contorted in a mixture of pain and disgust, his muzzle turned up into a sneer meant as much for her as himself. "I don't expect you to understand my affliction, or to care about my problems. I've given you enough to contend with already, together we've created enough hurt to last the rest of our lifetimes, and then some." It shocked him to hear that she had wanted him, too. Had it been so much to ask? With the trenches dug, it was obvious now how easy it would have been to simply stay, to abolish his old ways and avoid all of this needless agony. That was the great thing about mistakes, and he had made enough to know, that you could always look back and see what you should have done instead.

"I know that by now, whatever attraction you felt for my has shriveled and died, whatever hopes for the future have since been torched and burned. I don't blame you for your bitterness, and I hope that you can understand mine. Above all, I hope that if you are to understand anything, that you will understand the guilt that wracks my very body and spirit. I have not been myself since I left you, this entire ordeal has left its impression for better and for worse. The most I can ask now is that you lay this to rest. I don't want an apology, nor do I deserve one. I only hope you haven't been tainted beyond repair." His voice had dropped from torrents of passion to a faint, defeated murmur. He was well aware of the damage he had caused, and hoped sincerely that the fae would eventually be able to relinquish the old flame in exchange for a healthier, more attainable lifestyle. He knew he was not what she wanted, nor could he be, and despite all of his hopes for her, he felt his heart once more tearing in two. He would leave her again, with the same intent as before, to save her from the hurt he had learned he would inevitably cause. Head held low, bony shoulders pointed towards the sky, he slunk off, not bothering to wait for a response, and praying that her silence meant that she finally understood.

And I think that you're not blind
To the ones you left behind
So I made a big mistake,
Try to see it once my way

[Naga]

Take-backs and sweet regrets, that's all that we have left

Standing in the small clearing, facing the wolf she had so long wished to see, Naga felt the rest of the world seeping into nonexistence. She felt as if she were standing on the sidelines, watching as Hyde exchanged words with another wolf, one who only looked like her. And there on the sidelines, Naga was not the rundown wolf she had become, but rather the fit fae she'd once been. Old pride and strength swelled in her heart, bushing warm reassurance through her bloodstream and banishing the chill that had come with Hyde's tainted words. From the sidelines she watched it all. Watched as the true Naga raised her head slightly and silently, all slouch disappearing from her stance. She watched as golden ears flicked, taking in the male's words and small facial muscles flexed, holding back whatever reaction would have been displayed there. Naga felt these things for only a moment longer before it seemed her spirit had rejoined her body and rather then observing from the sidelines, she was eye to eye with Hyde's piercing gaze. To her amazement, she found that renewed pride really did seem to be flowing through her again. Her head was higher, body straight and tall. She was not the beating horse anymore, the lost one craving approval from from some outside source. Should the gods really exist above, Naga tilted her pale eyes to the skyline and vowed to them that she would never play such a part again. With her eyes firmly locked on Hyde retreating form, as he once more walked away from her, the fae decided that he would be the first to experience this change. It seemed fitting, for he was the cause of the hurt. He was the reason she had fallen to begin with. Now it was he alone that would bear witness to her rebirth.

Taking swift steps, Naga moved with the grace that had once been so inborn in her. She reached the retreating male effortlessly, circling around to stand before him in the muddy path. Face to face, she pealed back her lips to expose white teeth and emit a voice no longer shivering with uncertainty. "Hyde.", she said simply, curling his name off her tongue. "You do not get to walk away from me. Not now, not ever again. I will not be the one left behind, left alone. You want to lay this to rest then you stay and see it out...like an adult and like a mann. You owe me that....we owe each other that respect, at the very least." Naga's face had a kind of grim determination etched across it. For she knew the words to come would not be pleasant and she wished with all her heart that they could have skipped past all this hurt and pain, that they could have had their happy ending. But that for them, and she could see it now. They were not to ever be the kind of mates who would fade off into the sunset. They couldn't have that. "You were right.", she said softly. "I cannot see your pain, I do not know your pain. But you are a fool to believe that I never wanted to understand, that I didn't care. You are a fool to believe that I wouldn't still care now." Shaking her head slightly, the fae's eyes narrowed as she spoke. Her voice was calm but backed with a force that hadn't been there before. She wasn't pleading anymore, or asking for any kind of reasoning...she was telling the male. Truly telling him how it'd been for her in the face of Hyde's closed off attitude. "I don't know of your suffering because you never gave me that chance.", she continued. "Not once. You were so shielded, not giving me even the barest details of your past. And I can respect that, I can live with that. What I couldn't take was waking up to find you flinching away from me, shivering, offering no explanation. I couldn't take finally hearing 'I love you' only to have it followed up by the word but and your retreating footsteps. These are the things I needed help with, I needed details, some reason to believe that I wasn't the problem. That I wasn't the one causing the pain you couldn't speak of."

The fae paused for a moment, taking shallow breaths of air. Her expression had changed into something more strained, pulled tight with the effort of keeping back her own pain and sadness. There would be nothing gained from breaking down in from of Hyde again, nothing a show of weakness. "I just loved you, Hyde. I loved you broken and hurt, and I didn't care that you were plagued. I wanted to feel safe for you, trusted. And I don't think I could. Maybe you weren't ready. Maybe I asked for too much. Maybe we just can't make this work. But I'm asking you..." Naga swallowed visibly, having finally reached the point of her speech that would undoubtedly leave her feeling vulnerable. "This one last time.", she continue. "I'm asking you to try, to not walk away." Stepping as close as she dared, Naga peered into Hyde's blue eyes and flashed a short wavering smile. "I'm asking you to stay."

...ashamed of all the selfish things we did

[Formaldehyde]

And if you think I'm worth it

Each step he took felt heavy as the seconds dragged on. Part of him wanted to stay and mend all of the old wounds, and yet, he could not bring himself to stop and turn back. Azure eyes grazing the ground, his paws dragged on until a disturbance entered his low line of site. Muddied paws had been placed before him, blocking his path away from the cave that held so many bittersweet memories. Slowly his eyes trailed up, over the off-white stalks, past the muddied clumps of fur until finally they encountered the hard gaze of the female's honey-hued orbs. Her expression was angry, and the snarl she wore on her muzzle caused him to shrink away, ears pinned back as though he was a child preparing to be scorned by his mother. The tables had turned, as they often did, and now Naga was playing the role of someone in control, while Hyde could only wait to see what treachery would come from her in response to his words.

Naga towered above his cringing form with all of the might of a goddess, her angular, well-muscled form providing a healthy contrast to his own malnourished frame, despite the obvious wear and tear of her bodice. It was clear that through the turmoil she had endured, she had changed not only mentally, but physically as well. As she had demonstrated to him on the mountain, she had grown stronger than before, honed her muscles to the point of being able to trump him again in a duel. As he observed her behind sheepish eyes, he would have gladly given up his life at that very moment had she made any attempt to steal it from his veins. Revenge, it seemed, was not something the fae was craving, and though Hyde wished for a quick end to his suffering, even if such an end meant his own death, it was clear that such a request would not be fulfilled, and such vengeance would not be exacted by the golden fae's able jaws. Instead, he would be meant to stand there, enduring the barrage of pent-up anger and inquiries that his absence had allowed to fester and grow. Although it was something he rightfully deserved, to be forced to stay and account for his boundless wrongs and excuses, he couldn't help but wish for the opportunity to fall into his old habit of slinking away from the conflict.

"What more would you take from me, woman?" His voice was pained, yet subdued, and he did not ask for a challenge. He knew what she expected was fair, and though he was reluctant to stand before her in his most broken and pathetic state, he knew that escape was no longer an option. Much to his surprise, the voice that he was met with was not one of animosity, but the softer voice of one who was admitting something very close to their soul. Rather than feel bad for himself, his emotion soon shifted to a deep sympathy for the golden fae. All the while the signals he sent had been mixed and infrequent; the ones that did manage to come through had been jumbled at best. She had been willing to sympathize with him, and though she had no notion of his internal struggles, no understanding of the twisted motives that drove him, she had been willing to make an effort- an effort that he had overlooked and dismissed completely. His already rotting soul began to shrivel further for the pain he had caused her, for the neglect he had shown to her open heart. He was appalled at the fae's willingness, for it was different than any emotion he had been offered before. She had placed importance on the deepest recess of his soul, on the muffled kindness that lingered there rather than his eagerness to shower the beautiful fae with sweet words and affections. She had wanted it to be about them rather than just herself. The notion of such devotion and selflessness was one that he had never known, and thus, he still had trouble comprehending it completely. "You... You would sacrifice blissful ignorance for a glimpse into my dark secrets? But why? Why would you give up your innocence so readily?" The questions he asked were his internal thoughts vocalized, and though he desperately wanted to know the answers, he was not altogether aware that he had directed them to her at all.

"All my life I have lived without the intent to settle down, or focus on the affections of anyone in particular," he finally admitted, his voice a soft growl, though he guessed that such was already known to the fae. "My intent had never been to share a part of myself or my troubles, but to inflict the very essence of the matters that plagued me unto others. I was guarded because I had to be; it had become my lifestyle to hide the truth and allow fabrications to take the place of true feelings. Despite this deep-formed habit, somehow, things were different with you." His mind reeled back to the night he had first met the golden fae, how he had attempted to exact the same revenge on her as he had with so many others, how she had been defiant and had even managed to frighten him. Somehow, in that moment, he had known his charade would have to end. "You were never the problem," he finally admitted. "You simply made it convenient for me to choose a face for my problems, and shift the blame away from myself." His cracking voice broke into a short whimper, he had no more pride to speak of and no longer feared shame. Raising his head up, his broken gaze found her golden orbs, brilliant in their purity and vibrant with her revealed truths. He could hardly detect her desperation in light of his own, though he knew she was undoubtedly lonely, he wondered if she didn't secretly hope for a better mann to alleviate her misery. Her final words brought a faint glimmer of hope to his eyes, to know that she had enough faith in the two of them to ask for him to stay gave him enough courage to step forward, closing the gap between them that she had already shortened. After what seemed like a lifetime of yearning, their skin finally touched as he let his body slide beside hers, his face buried in her fur as he breathed in her scent like a fresh breath of oxygen after an eternity under water. He could feel himself trembling with the thought of commitment, with the unknown sensation of vulnerability that he knew came with it, but stronger than his fear was a staggering sense of anticipation for something unknown yet sought after. He wanted desperately to learn to trust, to with this fae, rebuild the most basic foundation of love and honesty that he had denied himself for so long. "Yes," he spoke softly, the word rolling effortlessly off his tongue ringing not only of his happiness to oblige to the fae's request, but his thankfulness at being offered more than just a second chance. With the utterance of that single word, all of the weight of past mistakes and committed evils seemed to fall away, leaving him feeling pleasantly lightheaded. "If you can forgive me my wrongs, as many as there are, you will never have to ask me again; I will stay as long as you let me." As he stood there, nuzzling her and taking in her scent in great lung-fulls, he was content to stand there forever, making up for the time he had wasted and devotion he had kept imprisoned.

And if you think it's not too late...

[Naga]

All of my chances swim like sinking ships...

Hyde was only steps away from her when he spoke but for those few seconds Naga felt completely deaf. She pushed her ears forward, straining to hear his words, to catch what could be their last moments together. Every other sound seemed perfectly clear, her breath rushing heavily from mouth and lung, heartbeats pounding away in her chest, and the hands of fate ticking away her last hopes. She felt it all with extreme clarity and it clouded her mind. It made the male seem farther away, muffled as if speaking across some great gap. As if a veil existed between them, separating the wolves from whatever future they had. Gritting her teeth against the frustration Naga bent all her will in an effort to focus, to hear only Hyde speak. And when they finally came, when his words were finally clear, it was like nothing Naga had ever expected. All she'd wanted to hear, all she'd hoped for. It was suddenly before her, received with the same blessed relief someone offered their first lifeline. "O...Ok", she mumbled, trying to keep up with his explanations. Trying to sooth away the shadows that appeared like ghosts in Hyde's eyes. He was obviously hurting, so obviously at the end of whatever rope had kept him tied to this word. His skinny form was haggard and worn, marred with the harsh life he accepted as his only option. She wanted to say more, to answer his whispered questions but found that she had no voice in her throat. No words to pair with his own.

And then he was closer, skin brushing against skin as Hyde made first contact. The fae's body trembled softly, both in relief and surprise. Despite her own earlier comments, this final meeting of hearts seemed so strange. A dream only, something that could never be acted upon in real life. It had been easier in dreams, where actions came readily. Where everything was explained for you and decided for you. Where all you had to do was enjoy the aftereffects. Now she felt lost, craving what was in reach but unsure of how to make the final grasp. Breathing harshly against his body as he pressed closer to her, Naga settled for brushing her own face against Hyde's neck. His scent was musky and wild, reminiscent of all the place he had been. Of all the wolves he been around. "Ok.", she breathed again. Because it suddenly didn't matter, not the insecurities or the mistakes. And not the past. She wanted to forget it all, to have only these memories and thoughts of the future. She wanted the impossible, a second chance, a clean slate. And standing where she was, the fae thought that perhaps it could be hers after all.

As they parted, Naga only felt the cravings increase. The need to have him close doubled buy the new knowledge she had. By the experience of feeling his closeness, feeling his touch, it made her love him all the more. Finally her mind cleared and secure in the reassurance Hyde's last words offered, Naga turned her golden eyes to him with something like deep understanding. "I can forgive...everything.", she said. "Your actions and my own...I would leave it all behind. And if you could do the same, if you could see me again, new and untainted...well I think there is hope yet." Pausing for a moment, the fae stepped closer. Her stare was intense and focused, once more locking with Hyde's azure gaze. "But Hyde...", she whispered. "What you said earlier, about my innocents and sacrifice?" Shaking her head slightly, a soft smile touched the corners of her mouth when Naga spoke again. "You still don't get it. There is no sacrifice. Being with who you love...that is the only bliss worth having. I do not give up a glamorous life for you, I do not lose anything." Glancing around her, Naga took in all that she'd been living with in the past months. The dank cave with it's morbid treasures within, the shallow river, the wispy trees. And the demons of her mind. The regrets and the guilt. Turning from those things would be one of the easiest moments of her life. There was nothing to hold her to this spot and nothing left to remember. She could be free now. If she let herself...she could be released from the past.

"I don't know where we go from here.", she said at last. "But lift your chin, my love." The words rolled easily from her mouth, having already been spoke so many times in the fae's private thoughts. "Cause things are never gonna be the same."

This time, that's it
I'll drown or make him mine

[Note: Lyrics have been modified a bit]

[Formaldehyde]

I will run for you until I start to drop

Taking in another lungful of her scent as though he were committing it to the deepest recesses of his memory for a second time, Hyde closed his eyes for a moment before forcing himself to back away. Apart from her he stood, wearing not an expression of doubt or despair, but of an almost curious admiration. Her words had been a cool relief to his burning ears and whirring mind, like a calming wind after a devastatingly drawn-out storm. He stood dead-still before her, with only his eyes moving slowly, methodically over her weathered frame as his mind drank in her words and replayed them even after she had ceased to speak. In his mind she had already been forgiven; the rage he had expressed at learning of her unfaithful deed had only seared into his mind's eye the realization of his own infidelity. But like gentle rays of sun brushing the land after heavy rainfall, he had allowed the bitter thoughts to ebb away gradually, letting all thoughts of both of their fallacies slowly spider out of his mind in waves.

Time seemed to slow around the two of them as he seemed to be choosing the right time to let his words grace the air. Steel blue eyes wandered with fascination over the golden fae's bodice, seeing past the matted fur that covered her ragged frame until she seemed to shimmer and gleam like a newly polished gem. Now it was his turn to smile at her words; how foolish the both of them must have sounded pouring out needless apologies to eachother when they had already been forgiven, and yet their words almost needed to be spoken. "Naga," he said, his azure hues finding hers as a smile lighted his maw, "You are no less brilliant than the day I first saw you. Even on our darkest days your strength gives you a radiance unmatched by Fenris himself." The golden fae wore her trials well, and whether or not her unchanging luster was one of love's many illusions, Hyde believed her beauty to be one of the few constants in the universe.

Stepping lightly, he made his way towards her, once more taking the opportunity to secure the image of her body in his mind's eye. When he finally made contact, his touch was rough but not forceful as it would have no doubt been during their first meeting. "The future is ours for the taking," he cooed as he sidled up against her, his muzzle reaching for her delicate aud where his sincere words had tenderly planted themselves. He had no way of knowing where their love would take them, but he was assured now that it was real. Slowly he shifted his weight so that he was able to slide on top of her, his body meeting hers with love and care. "You look beautiful," his haunting whisper assured her as he held her close to him.

I will breathe your breath until you tell me to stop