Never Alone {Private - Chayton}

[Mist]

The past days have been hard on the land of Deor. Not only was there a terrible drought, which only recently ended with a mercifully long cloudburst, but the Drappa has had terrible wounds inflicted on her body, as well as on her soul. Sometimes the physical pains seem like nothing compared to the loneliness and sorrow that beats itself upon her heart. Chayton, her mate, has gone to the Red Meadow, and she will never again see him on this earth. She is slowly healing, however. Never has there been a time she did not believe she could continue on. The knowledge of her deceased mate's love and support even from beyond the reach of the physical world are enough to force herself to live, not only for him, but for her children and family.

Fenris is setting in the west, earlier and earlier each day, but the days are still a long way from being the shortest of the year. His brilliance adds to the vivid colors of the Deorian forest - crimson, orange, and bright yellow leaves stand out against the green and brown of the tree trunks and evergreen pine needles. Padding slowly, with an evident limp, toward the pack dens, Mist sighs deeply, thinking distantly how strange it is that the gods would chose to put such deep emotions into the hearts of their children when they must have known the pain it would cause them. To love so deeply, that the world seems to end when that love is lost. Shaking her head as if to push these thoughts away, she tells herself that it will pass, and the good memories of her beloved Chayton will be what truly remain. She will remember the good times they had together, and the pain of the moment will be a distant memory.

It is only so comforting to tell herself these things. She knows them, but they do not hasten the relief of her heartache. Lifting her eyes to the path in front of her, she is grateful to see her den. It is a fairly large, but still cozy cave, the perfect size for a family, not far from the spring where the pack gets most of its water. There is a small side cave where she has begun sleeping at night. Though Ryu, Delilah, and Raido sometimes join her, it is not the same as it used to be. She can picture her children when they were newly-walking, eyes recently opened, tumbling over each other and barking sharply in little cub voices. That, and when they were growing up, but still completely dependent on Chayton and her, were the best times in this den. They were truly a family then, and rarely an hour passed when they weren't together.

Life does go on... and the best thing for the weary Drappa to do is to simply trust - herself, the gods, and her family. She must have faith that none of them will let her down. And maybe some day she will have a family again in this den... Settling herself into her niche, she puts her head on her forelegs and closes her eyes, wrapping her tail around her and swiftly drifting off to sleep.

[Chayton]

It was rather strange to find himself in some white and swirling world. The last thing he had actually remembered before things had just stopped moving, was running to the lands of Deor. He had been running for what had seemed hours, trying to reach the safety of his pack lands. But he had never made it. Which now explained his current predicament. The blue and white mann took a look around this strange and bleak place. There was absolutely nothing here but silence.

It was clear to him that he was somewhere in between the world of the living and the world of the dead. Though he managed to escape going to the read meadow, he wasn't quite sure where exactly this place was. As he padded softly across the surface he began to notice swirling colors coming up from beneath the ground. Each color was different, and if he smelled it, which of course he did, it smelled of different vargs. "How odd. It's as if somehow I know where each of these vargs are."

He tilted his head when something grabbed his senses in a throttle like grip. Lunging forward the man swerved and skidded frantically trying to find where this scent was coming from. Up ahead was a green color swirling up from the ground. The surface was spongey and soft as he approached. He tilted his nose down and took a breath. A warm sensation creeping into his body for the first time since he had passed. "Mist." He spoke softly.

He scratched his paw over the surface and the smoke came up in a puff. Cocking his head he began to claw away at the dirt. The green smoke began to engulf him as it poured from the enlarged hole. Chayton began to feel weightless as he transformed into blue and white swirls that poured down the hole and into some blank world that began to resemble the land of Deor. He swirled down through the trees and past the watering hole where he and Mist often fished. Past the dens until he came to his old family den. There inside he could make out Mist asleep. His form changed back into that of his varg self, though he glowed with a blue and white light, nothing too bright. His form wasn't completely solid and it was likely that if anyone tried to touch him they would just pass through him. He quietly padded forward and nuzzled his mate. He slowly pulled back in sadness as his muzzle had passed through hers. "Mist, I never meant for this to happen." He spoke softly as he watched her sleep.

[Mist]

The warmth of the day still hovers in the air like a hesitant lover, loathe to leave his place by his beloved. The days are getting shorter, and the nights cooler, but the cold of night will not come fully until shortly before the dawn. It is true that the coldest and darkest times are right before the dawn. Perhaps that will be true not only in literal terms, but figuratively as well - goodness knows it would not hurt Deor to see the brightness of dawn. They have waited long enough and been through enough dark times lately. All is still, and there is a velvety feeling in the darkness, as if there is some strong protection watching over the sleeping Drappa. Though she does not know it yet, this is true.

The blue and white, semi-transparent form of her mate stands over her, his dark eyes intent on her still form as he sadly looks down. Though his muzzle goes through her own, she feels it somehow - if not physically, then perhaps spiritually. She stirs lightly and raises her head, golden eyes searching the dimness in her den as she looks around for whatever it was that woke her. As her eyes adjust she realizes she must still be asleep, for there are subtle differences in the den that she has never seen. The one thing that catches her attention and takes her breath away - if her dream self actually had breath - is the sight of Chayton standing but a pace away from her wondering eyes. "Oh... my love..." She breathes, unable to believe she is seeing him, even though she knows it is not in the real world; but the world of dreams is better than nothing.

As she looks at him he seems to solidify, as if they'll be granted this favor one last time. He still glows faintly, a subtle, but still harsh reminder that this is all a dream and she will wake in the morning alone. He truly is dead, and if she sees him again in her life after this dream, it will only be in other dreams. Stepping forward she gently stretches her muzzle forward to touch his, wondering if he only looks solid and it's just an illusion, or if she will be able to touch him. Her limbs feel weak as she realizes she can indeed touch him, and she simply stays still for a moment before pulling away to look at him. "I... miss you, oh, love, I never realized how hard it would be never to see you again. I feel like my heart will never be whole again..."

((So sorry I took so long with this!!! If there's anything you'd like me to change or add, let me know.))

[Chayton]

The mann gazes at his mate as she begins to stir. As if the gods had granted this last reunion he seems to become solid, though not entirely. His muzzle touches hers as she reaches out to him. Her touch feels amazing, though he knows that he will never know this touch ever again. His expression saddens as he watches her. Had he been smarter he wouldn't have wondered out beyond Deor, he would've stayed around. He lets out a whine and looks at her. "Love, I'm sorry." He manages to speak he hangs his head, feeling the pressure building in his chest as the pain begins to consume him. "I wasn't around enough for you, and because of that I lost my life and hurt you."

He pads softly forward and reaches out his muzzle to hers. To touch her once more because he knows that this time that he has been granted is short and will most likely never be given again. He cocks his head and lets out a whine. But a small smile stretches across his maw and he can't help but feel the love he has always felt for her. He looks at her with love in his blue orbs and. "Mist, I always loved you, more than anything I loved you. I just wish I hadn't been soo foolish." He sits down on his haunches and the blue and white mist covers the ground so it looks as if he is fused to the floor of the den.

His body yearns to lie beside hers, to feel her warmth on his pelt which is now cold. His chest tightens and the mann looks away as the pain surges through his body. He lets out a small audible whine and looks back up. His body aches and he wants to feel solid again. But he will be erased from time, he will forget about her because he will no longer exist. All their time spent together will be erased from his memory as he becomes nothing more than the dirt of the earth. Life can be cruel, life can take away the memories that one creates in life. Life can rip away those you love and never return them, or even say why. Many vargs have lost their mates, and now Chayton stood before his knowing that he would never see her again, never know her again, never remember her again. It tore every part of him up, inside he was aching. "I tried to reach Deor. But I just couldn't...I couldn't find you, or call for you."

He had been helpless, as he crawled trying to reach the lands of Deor that he knew so well. "I don't...I don't know if you want to know, what happened. But I can tell you, if it will put your mind at ease." He shook his coat and the mist flowed off of his form and onto the floor where it slowly disappeared. "And Ryu, I hope he doesn't think....he wasn't around....I know he looked up to me." Chayton didn't know the extent of his son's affection for him, nor that his son blamed himself for his father's death. Chayton couldn't explain why things happened this way, it was just life. But he knew that there were things to be repaired before he could truly become just dirt of the earth.He left his family so suddenly, and now his family was paying for his mistake through the grief that they had to face. The pain and uncertainty of life and of their own lives. Mortality can bring any varg to his knees. Chayton now knew just how precious life was, and how precious his life had been, had he only known that then and not left his family to struggle through the pain.

[Mist]

A small, sad smile appears on Mist's face at Chayton's words and she shakes her head fractionally, her eyes sad but comforting nonetheless. If this spirit were any other perhaps it would be strange to think that the Drappa wants to comfort someone who is dead, but as it is, he is the one who feels remorse, and she simply has to feel the ache and loneliness she will often feel without him. No, do not blame yourself love. It was not your fault. We... never know when we will die. It was not you who hurt me, but those who took you from me." Taking a shaky breath she pauses before continuing. "Though I will always miss you and wish that things had been different... we cannot turn back time. I love you - I will always love you... " Lowering her head as she tries to take control over her emotions, Mist looks back up into her mate's eyes and attempts a shaky smile. "We will be together again - in the Red Meadow. Truly it won't be so long..."

In life she always smiled when she saw him. The sight of him or his scent or his voice always reminded her of the many wonderful times they had together. Now, she feels as if her heart is being torn in two each time. Her love is strong even now and she would rather feel that pain and be able to see him, than know she will never see him again in life. With this knowledge hanging over their heads she keeps her eyes on him, knowing she could wake any moment and this time could be lost forever. If she were to look around at the dreamscape she would see a den much like the one in the waking world, but somewhat dimmer as all attention is focused on the misty vargs in its center. Soft waves of blue and white mist mix with grey as something like the twos' auras intertwine and mesh as they reach the stone-imaged ground.

Hearing his whine wrenches even further at her already wounded heart and she reaches out with her muzzle to gently caress his, wishing with her entire being that she could have more time with him. It is simply too unfair. They were mates for such a short time. Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? Why let someone enter your life only to have them snatched away too soon by the cruel embrace of death? No... it is true. She cannot even now imagine life without him, and the years of her life before she knew him are like faded memories - distant and dim compared to the bright, colorful, wonderful times she has with him every moment they were together. Tears spring to her eyes not only in the dream, but in the real world as well, and if one were watching her asleep, they would know that something must be wrong, and that her very soul seems incomplete now that he is dead and soon will truly be gone. "Oh... How I wish I could have been with you. To die alone..." Here she has to pause again in order to go on. "I should have been with you. Oh my love... can you forgive me? I never should have let you leave my side. Why?" This last word is almost a whine, heart-wrenchingly sorrowful - a plea to the gods to look on their daughter and see her pain - pain they could somehow have avoided.

Nodding as he speaks again, she knows that she will regret it if she misses this chance to ever know who killed him It is a difficult subject, but though she is fairly certain who his murderers are, she would like to know. "I... think that I would regret it if I said I didn't want to know. Perhaps it would be easier... but I think I have an idea of who it was. It would be good to know, I think." Sighing sadly, she wishes she could do something. She feels so helpless knowing this time will be cut too short. It is painful, knowing he is dead and this dream will soon be over. "How can I ever be happy again, without you?" She whispers, thinking that there is no way she will ever love again in the way she has loved Chayton.

[Chayton]

///sorry this took so long, this will be my last post as Chayton///

Chayton smiled softly at Mist, but he could feel the pull from the heavens and it made his heart ache. If only he could stay here a while longer. But he knew that this gift was far more than he deserved. The swirling blue and white about his paws began to swirl upwards and break through the clouds. "Mist, love. I'm afraid I must go. This time I have been given was more than I deserved."

He nuzzled her and gazed into her orbs for the last time. To say that this parting was happy, would be to speak to sweetly. Chayton hurt, every part of him ached and felt as though something had been ripped away from him. "Love. Carry on with my memory, only to make you happy. Do not think sadly of me, but think sweetly. I loved you more than anything, and I will always love you and will always be watching over you. Remember that." His image, for it was actually never him, but more of an image, his spirit even- began to fade and float skyward. The heavens would take their pup once again, only this time they would not allow him back on the earth.

He looked back to Mist as he began to leave, his heart aching to touch her as if he were real once again. Had he not been so foolish, had he only been able to be there, to always protect them. But she would find another, someone who would take care of her and the pups. "Mist, always keep your chin up, love. Things are always better than they seem." His maw pulled into a smile as the last of the swirling blue and white disappeared back up into the clouds to join the gods. Chayton watched his himself enter back into the lying figure of his body on the clouds. He rose to his paws and slowly began to travel towards the place he would now call his home, the place he would never return from. But all was right, he hoped he had laid his love's pain to rest.