A return of will

[Uskiya]

(((mainly for Cal, but others can reply, Cal first though)))

Golden orbs scanned the horizon on the edge of the terra. The trees hid the gray form fairly well. Although wit ha careful glance one could see the varg standing beneath the sparse trees that created a hunk of the Ge-rad terra. It had been, as she counted it, four months since she had seen him. Four months of not knowing what had happened to him. Never knowing if he was alive or dead.

So if four months had gone and no sign of him, why did she look for him now? She was too afraid to not watch for him, though she doubted he would ever return. She had mixed feelings for him, he had deserted her without a word, gone in the blink of an eye with no trace. Like he had done before. But she loved him still.

Sometimes she would gaze to the night sky, wondering if he was up there. Had he been robbed of his life? She wanted to know, her mind ached and her body quievered at not knowing how he was, or where. But so much had changed in Ge-rad that she had to step up and become the new varg she had to be.

Her gray aud swere flattened against her head, the same wind blew past the terra. The same grass was still buried in snow. Nothing was new, nothing. The gray furred fae was about to leave her spot once again, when something in the distance caught her orbs. Was it varg? Was it him? Thoug h she knew the chance that it was actually him was sllim.

[Cal]

Brown paws moved slowly and silently over the snow and ice that covered the ground. The paws belonging to a varg that was heading to no special destination. Yellow optics glancing from side to side glancing at the snow-covered surroundings. "Great, bet I'm bloody lost again." muttered Cal. With a sigh he carried on forward through the deciduous trees not knowing that he was walking on territory he once called "home".

It has been several months since anyone has heard or seen this particular varg. A varg that was once proud father and emissary of the well-known pack Ge-rad. A varg with a beautiful mate, friends, family. But that has all changed ever since the first snowflake fell for this winter. A series of events has happened to cause this varg to change, to become someone else. A mark that can be visible at the side of his head which can be a reminder of his sins. Betrayal and lust. Having no recollection of these memories or events the brown varg continued to wander aimless through Ge-rad Terra. Memories in these lands have disappeared in his mind only to be replaced by emptiness. No one or anything existed in his world. But perhaps it was fate that brought him back here. Through suns of wandering he somehow managed to walk back to where he started.

The crunch of snow was audible as he made his way through a particular tight group of trees. Barely able to squeeze in between them. Snapping of twigs as they caught onto his fur as he continued to trek across Ge-rad lands. Squinting his eyes he was able to see a figure in the distance. Relieved to finally able to see someone that he can ask directions he made a tiny sprint towards the varg. Stopping abruptly and sending a flurry of snow everywhere. Panting slightly he spoke, "Oi. Nice to see that I'm not the only one wandering around here." he chuckled. "Any chance you know where the heck am I right now?" Oh, how the question must have seemed so foolish in her ears, but it didn't seem like the first time that he asked for directions. Perhaps there was a slim chance that she knew where shelter was saving him the trouble for wandering around for a couple of days. Also, little did he know that this was the first time in his life that he wasn't being entranced by her golden eyes...

[Uskiya]

Uski felt her heart drop, her orbs widened. Somehow beyond all of heaven's possibilities she saw him. Saw him as he trotted towards her. But..his tal didn't wag, he didn't lope towards her, call her name. Anything she expected. No matter, he was home.

As he came close Uskiya let out a bark. "Cal! You've returned! But to her surprise he didn' act like he knew her. Asking if she knew somewhere to stay. Bewildered by her mate's state, the gray furred fae flattened her auds. "Cal it's me, Uski! Your mate! She whined, wishing that this was all a bad dream. Her mind seemed to sink into an endless pit of mud. How could this happen?

"Cal, you live here, in Ge-rad your pack. You have three pups. You're friend and Dragga is Draeg. Can't you remeber that?" She felt panic seizing her body. This had to be anightmare, some insane hallucination. There was no way he didn't remember her, she was hs mate, his love. He was her everything!

"Can't you remember me?" t was as if everything had came crashing down, her life, her purpose. Everything. Four months had passed and now upon his return he couldn't remember her? Those golden orbs that now stared at him, the same ones he fell in love with. She let out a whine, an endless pit had consumed her insides.

"You don't remember me do you?" She asked with pain. It was worse than him being dead, he was here in front of her, but he didn't know her, didn't know the bond they had, yes had. The love they once had was gone.

[Cal]

Oh how Tor and Fenris can be so cruel, how this can be a bittersweet reunion indeed. An invisible barrier separating the two lovers. If only he could see the pain that was held inside her eyes. How long she had waited for his return. How long she was waiting for his words of "I love you". The warmth of his fur pressed aganist hers after all these cold and lonely nights. Past experiences of their love, their experiences, the bond that forever held between them completely destroyed? His yellow eyes only gave a expressionless stare, a gaze of emptiness.

The reaction that Cal got from the grey faemme was not what he had been expecting. Slightly surprised he toke a step backwards with a light "crunch". His presence seemed to have triggered some sort of emotion swing inside this fae as she suddenly bombarded him with statements and questions. Children? Mates? Closing his eyes trying to rack up what's left of his memories together. Nothing. It didn't seem possible. If he had any of that why was he found half-dead at the side of the river? To be in that situation it seemed like he had nothing to live for, and he didn't want to remember what happened in the past. He had nothing left, not even his own name until this moment someone called it out. Did this fae really know him or was she just delirious suffering from some traumatizing experience? Opening his eyes he found Uskiya gazing intensely into his own and he shifted slightly in the snow uncomfortably. "I'm sorry miss if I seemed to have invaded your personal space and privacy..." muttered Cal turning away from her. "Just wondered if you could have given me some directions..." She paid little attention to his words, and she asked him one simple question.

"Can't you remember me?"

A moment of silence fell between the two vargs. Cal toke a few glances at at the fae in front of his eyes. She was a very attractive wolf indeed with a shiny gray pelt that almost resembled the dark clouds of Wolfbane. Sparkling golden eyes that he was sure to never see elsewhere shone into his. However, he could almost swear that he never saw her before, ever since he found at the side of the river at least. Feeling the tension in the air he let out a deep sigh knowing that his answer would disappoint her. "No. I'm sorry."

[Uskiya]

Uskiya felt her insides turn inside out, she coudln't beleive the word s that came from his mouth. He didn't remember her at all, there was nothing in his mind left to bring back her sweetness to him. He thought she was delirious probably. Uskiya let out a whine, the world seemed to get darker, the feeling inside her, the hole in her stomach ate at her. How could this be happening to her?

"You don't remember me?" She hung her head. "Please don't go. The least I can do is offer you shelter." Her voice had lost all life, her orbs no longer looked upon him with hope. She felt every last ounce of hope drip from her body. How could he not remeber her, couldn't he remember any feelings?

"So, where do you hail from?" She couldn't take the silence. Maybe if they spoke she could know what happened to him. Why she had waited for so long and now to this moment he couldn't rememebr anything. She looked at him again, she could see him, he stood right in front of him, but she could not feel him, touch him, be comforted by any of his words. Her heart ached, felt as if it were going to shatter and she would drop right there. Perhaps Tor should just take her now, it seemed there was no purpose. He was here but Cal wasn't.

She turned to lead him back into the terra of Ge-rad, the terra he once used to patrol, to sit beside her in the evenings, lovingly nuzzling each other. Those days were gone, gone for what now seemed forever. It pained her to think of the days that they spent together, the days they were happy. How had it happened that those days were now gone? Just out of her reach?

She turned to look back into the terra, perhaps if she let him sleep in the den he had slept in when they had been fighting, he might remember something. Maybe, perhaps she could get him to stay for a while.

"The terra you ar eabout to enter is Ge-rad's, one of the many packs , you are more than welcome to stay as long as you like." She tried to smile, but only managed a small one, there was too much for her to try. Too much pain that came into her now for her to try and make nice. She let out a sigh, pleading with herself that this might be a dream. Was Tor or Fenris playing a brutal trick on her.

"You really don't remeber anything?" She tried one last time, though she doubted that he would make any progress in the last few minutes. But she couldn't manage to give up, he was too important to her, she had to get through to him. She couldn't drown in this hole that grew at every moment, it was going to eat her up at any second and never release her. Forever to hold her and torment her till she felt that she was trapped underneath an icy river and she would be forever doomed to wander the earth, never touching any other living thing. Never feeling the warmth of a notehr ever again. For so long she had slept in the den she gave birth in, since it was the biggest one. She had remembered his scent and his touch. Praying to Tor and Fenris that they send him back to her. And here he was, and yet it was a trick. A painful trick that she couldn't seem to overcome..

Wasn't there anythin gshe could do, one word that might trigger something? Her touch, her voice? But she felt helpless, helplessly lost forever.

[Cal]

Uskiya's expression was just like what he expected. Was there anything he could do right now to improve his situation? A part of him that felt guilt or sympathy towards the fae in front of his eyes? He did not feel guilty at all. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't remember anything right? The only reason he came here was for some directions and instead it was interrogation after interrogation. A sensible thing to do was probably to walk away. However, there was a small part of him that felt sympathetic towards her and perhaps she did know something about him. Did he really want to head back into the past and reach out into that darkness and grab his memories which was tucked away in a little corner? Perhaps it was just the time to move on...

Upon hearing her question once more, he was starting to get annoyed and a snarl was starting to form on his maw. Had she not heard his response that he could not remember her? He had honestly tried his best and if she cannot accept that then perhaps he had better leave. However, as he was about to turn away he heard her tempting offer and he froze on his tracks. Mind racing quickly comtemplating whether or not he should go along with this faemme. If he left now, would it take him days to find another place to stay? Uskiya had said herself that this was a pack, meaning that there must be a suitable amount of Lera here. He spun around slowly on his paws. Eyes fixating on hers he muttered, "Alright, lead the way."

The two vargs slowly trekked on through the ice-covered packlands. Tiny snowflakes began to fall from the sky blown gently in the wind. The scent of Ge-rad surrounded the couple as Cal deeply inhaled it. No sense of recognition of the place he once called home. Now being a complete stranger in these lands. Ears perked to listen on what his companion had to say. "Ge-rad eh?" growled Cal. "I'll tell you this, doesn't seem like a bad place to live. Odd name dontcha think?" Her next question however did not come unexpected. "Ah...well...let's see...I do recall being near some sort of a waterfall a few suns ago. Wandered throughout the area a little bit but I do not remember where I was before. Last thing I remember was waking up at a side of a river with a few fresh wounds on me. No idea what happened before." Stopping abruptly and he allowed her sides to brush aganist his momentarily. "If you don't mind, would you mind telling me your name again?"

[Uskiya]

Although the pain was horrendus, Uskiya knew that continually asking him if he remembered her was pointless. Besides, he was getting annoyed with the question and might be tempted to leave. That would never help either of them. Her mood did brighten alittle when he agreed to stay in Ge-rad. PErhaps all the faces of the pack would slowly bring back his life before what ever caused him to forget everything.

"Ge-rad, a funny name?" He response didn't really hold humor, but she knew it was better to catch flies with honey than anything else. "I suupose it might sound odd to those whose auds have never heard it before." Waterfall. the word darted through her head. So many things had happened to her there. She let out a whine. But if that place, that held so many fond memories couldn't help him, then what could?

He stopped for a moment, his pelt intermingleing with hers, and for the first time in months, she felt him next to her. But the feeling wasn't mutual. He had no idea

"My name is Uskiya, but Uski suits well too." She gave a smile. "What should I call you? Or do you already have a name?" -color=lightblue] She asked curiously, though she knew that he would never be anyone but Cal to her. She looked ahead into Ge-rad's terra, if they continued this way they would be right into the middle of the pack, that might be overwhelming for him.

"Did you just want me to show you your shelter or would you like a tour." She asked, hoping that he would atleast want something more than just to be shown to his tenative home. There could be many things in Ge-rad that would maybe trigger his memory. For her sake maybe he would like a small tour at least.

"We have some dens off to the northern side of our terra, that is where you shall be staying. If you like I can take you there first." It was his decision as to what they would do, but pray to Tor that he would ask for something else. Maybe he needed water. He might need food. And for Fenris's sake she was the nurse, even though this job was more suited for Lydair, no one had seen her for what seemed forever either, and those wounds were pertty bad.

"I do insist that I take a look at your wounds though. You must also be hungry and thristy to. Aren't you?" She asked hoping that he would aggree and want some sort of help with something

[Cal]

"Uskiya..." muttered Cal under his breath. "Very nice name for a pretty fae like yourself." chuckled Cal. However, that chuckle faded right off his face when she asked him his name. How in Tor's name was he suppose to know? Hasn't it been fairly obvious to her that with some incident that happened to him he lost his memory? "Uh..." said Cal. Thinking quickly and it suddenly sparked him what she had just called him a few minutes ago. "You can call me Cal as I do recall you calling me that a few moments ago." What else was he suppose to say? Make up some name? It seemed like he was starting fresh all over but if this fae did know him before, he might as well use his name that his mother had dubbed him.

Cal turned away from her looking in the direction at the Ge-rad dens. Certainly the pack dens would be larger size and a good place to stay for a couple of nights. A tiny grin was now plastered on his maw as he stared at the trail that lead to that general direction. Uskiya's voice cause his head to turn around as she asked him what he would like to do next. It was fairly obvious that she wanted him to stay longer. To perhaps learn more about his current situation. He didn't mind, but at the same time he didn't want to depend on others for too long and be in their debt. Cal spoke, in an extremely gentle tone. Much like he did before when they in their Kerl days. "That would be excellent. Thank you for your hospitality. If you don't mind me being company, I would more than happy to have a tour of these lands. As for these wounds, I'll be fine. Judging by these scars on me I'm sure I've had worse." He was still cautious though, no idea what or who he was before. Who was friend and who was foe? Could she be possibly pretending to be gentle but waiting to slit his throat? Keeping that safely in mind he said, "Lead the way."

[Uskiya]

The compliment, it would seem would have flattered that gray furred she varg. But the current situation prevented anysort of happy emotion. Would anyone else, shoved into this situation put on a fake smile and pretend that things are okay. Could they sit there while their mate stood before them, but could not even recognize their name? Could any varg stand where she was and smile, bemused by his somewhat strange charm? Could they start all over and build a love that was supposed to stand all of time? A love that was now shattered and cutting deep into her pelt. The shards so sharp that once embeded in teh muscle, if it were to be removed it would shred the flesh and blood would run like a dam had broken. A life would be shattered, the spirit drug out of the body like a thousands wolves ripped and tore at it. Could any varg stand up to that pain and still act as though everything was allright?

"Then Cal it is." She answered with little happiness, little effort it seemed to make him feel any sort of special treatment other than him being what he was. A lost soul that she knew, she loved and she could not free. She was trapped in this lie that perhaps had never been worth the pain in the first place. So many things pointed to the falseness of this relationship. He left a lot, he was gone and now he couldn't remember anything? Was there any force in heaven or on earth that could make this realtionship go right for one day?

"All right. I'll take you to where you will be sleeping to start with, then you will know where you shall be returning at night." She padded forward, leading the way through the brush and slush covered ground of the Ge-rad terra. The other pack members were either sleeping or out and about, there was a vast land in Ge-rad, one could easily get lost. Lost in a world unknown, a terra that seemed familar yet when you stepped forward there was nothing. Would he get lost? Would she have to show him around moer than she planned?

More importantly, was it even worth trying to fix? Should she just turn away and let him stay among the dens? Dying inside while she made her rounds? Was there any real reason for her to even be here?

"I know you don't remember anything from your past. But if you are using the name I called you before, then don't you think I know something of your past? Or am I just some strange fae leading you into a pack that you never know whether we are friend or foe?"She couldn't explain what she said for, didn't know why she should even care about it. Wouldn't it be easier to turn her back now? Take him to his resting place and leave him there? Shut him out for the last time, knowing that he would never return again? Shut away the pain for the last time, let one more part of her die inside so that only a small glowing ribbon throbbed, slowly losing it's light. Wouldn't that be easier? Wouldn't it be easier to have just let herself drown in that river? She could've avoided it all, never have been put in this place before.

She stopped to look at him, stopped to see if she could judge, if she could see what he was thinking. Did he not trust her? Why should he, she was just a strange varg that said she knew him. How could he trust anyone?

[Cal]

"Cal." The brown varg muttered under his breath. It was an odd feeling, repeating your own name over and over to try and get used to the sound. To get used to being called that when his whole life how that name had changed lives of varg. The name that was now unrecognized by himself along with the word "Ge-rad". Was everything meant to turn out this way? Must this varg be lost and helpless forever? Not knowing that the only thing that mattered in his world was standing right in front of him but yet something was shielding his mind from retrieving it. Staring directly in her eyes and not a flicker of excitement or joy in his eyes, and instead the look that was crushing her heart to pieces.

Uski broke the gaze as she quickly padded forward to the direction of the dens. He turned his muscular form and quickly chased after her hopefully not getting lost in this new terra. White mist rose from his mouth with each step, panting slightly as snowflakes continued to fall a bit more heavily now. The breeze ruffled his fur as yellow eyes continued to focus on the form in front of him. Certainly it wouldn't be long before they reached the dens. Reaching the dens was no problem, but when he got there how long was he suppose to stay in his "new home"? Hearing from kerls, pack life was much different then the life of a kerl. Would they expect him to prove himself worthy in staying in their terra? He was a independent varg afterall and perhaps his stay had better not be a long one. "Oi, you usually get many visitors coming here?" called out Cal.

Finally, they had reached their destination. Cal stared at his future stay and was already inspecting the den walls. It was old most definitely however much better than he had expected and better than the abandoned dens in the Kerl lands. Entering the den and shifting around slightly to see if he would be comfortable. Few moments later he exited it, all was well. The fae did keep her word after all. "Thank you." he muttered. For a strange reason, it felt natural to be in this surroundings. Perhaps this fae was correct that this was his previous home? Suddenly, the fae called out to him and asked him about a matter that he was desparately avoiding. Yes, the moment she called out to him when he first saw her he knew that she had knew him. Could he face whatever darkness that had plagued him in the past? Or continue to live in this bliss where nothing in the world mattered and all ties to others were broken. What good can she do to him now? She does not know of his sins and neither does he at the moment. Perhaps both of them weren't mentally prepared...Taking a deep sigh he turned away from her still feeling her gaze on him. "Yes, you knew me didn't you?" whispered Cal. "I guess it had been fairly obvious with the questioning and all..." He stalked forward towards Ge-radian Forest, instinctively walking towards the path where he would have normally patrolled. However, he broke off that trail and started going where the trees got thicker and thicker. His heart racing as he hoped that his departure would force her to follow him. "This seems like a good spot to be more hidden..." he muttered. Brown paws came to a halt as he turned his head around hopefully to get a catch of a pair of golden eyes. Taking in a deep breath, he said. "Tell me who I am."

[Uskiya]

Uskiya shook her head. "No I can't say that we get many visitors. Not many kerls come to our packs and we rarely get visitors from other packs." She let out a sigh and waited while he inspected his den. "You can stay how long you like, since you are a visitor don't worry about helping out around the terra. We expect nothing of you other than to relax and make yourself comfortable."

As he appeared from the den Uskiya found it somewhat uncomfortable as he looked at her. Was he going to ask her something? Did he wanted her gone now, had he no use for her since no he could relax in his accomodations? His words came as a surprise to her. Did he really want to know about his past? Wouldn't it be easier to forget everything and call her off as a crazy femme?

She nodded as he had spoken, turning away from her and padding off into the terra. Curious as to what he wanted she followed slowly. So many times had the walked similar to this. Side by side, one in front one in back. She used to brush her muzzle along his sides, gently nip at his tassel. Used to. There were so many things that used to be.

As Cal came to a halt Uskiya cocked her head. What was he doing? She sat on her huanches, waiting for him to speak. When words escaped his maw, Uskiya was speechless. What she had said was more out of sadness than out of trying to get him to ask her for help. But now that he asked for help, she could not keep ehr maw shut and leave him in the dark.

"You are my mate. The father of three pups. Emissary of this pack. I don't know what happened, but oyu dissapeared. Not that I saw you that often anyway. You were gone a lot." She stopped herself, even though she hurt from all the times that he was neve raround, there was no good in blaming anyone. "The place you spoke of, the waterfall, we spent so much time together there." She looked at him. Everything in her body wanted to rush to him, to feel his fur and bring back the memories that she had missed so much.

"Cal, you and I met, fell in love, came here and brought a family into this world. You would always be gone on your emmisary duties, making sure Ge-rad was always safe. Then one day you left and you never came back. I don't know what happened, where you were or anything." She shrugged her shoulders, what else could she say. What else did he want to know? She had been out of his life for such a long time. She didn't know alot of what had happened.

"There is a lot things I don't know about what happened after you left. But I know that you had been off on another patrol the last time you left.......I believe. Bu that is all." She waited, hoping that maybe what she said would perhaps begin to help him understand what his past was.

[Cal]

An empty silence filled the gap between the two vargs as soon as his finished. Gazing at her unblinkingly through his yellow optics, almost trying to read and predict her next reaction. Why wasn't she speaking? Did he surprise her with his actions? Certainly she knew he realized of his own memory loss when he couldn't even give out his own name. But this was the moment, almost the moment that he had been dreading. Perhaps she was the only one who could reveal to him why he was like this. Who was he before all this. Perhaps a lowly sikla at the bottom of the pack or perhaps a heroic warrior. Good or evil? Can he trust everything she says and will he be able to accept it...?

At last she spoke, and Cal listened and toke in every word. She explained how they were bonded in one and their blood was shared to create 3 children. A proud emissary of this pack called "Ge-rad" who was often missing. From what she told him it seemed like he was a normal and perfectly happy varg. There was almost no reason why was he would be in situation like this. Nothing she said had help draw to some sort of conclusion, nothing she said has helped. Could he trust what this fae was saying? They were bonded together by that golden thread linking their hearts together? He tried picturing himself with her, being a pair. Realistically, he knew that right now he did not share the same passion as she had for him at the moment.

Outside his gaze did not shift at all and it was difficult to see what he was thinking. "We were in love?" he repeated softly. It wasn't that hard to believe since it was completely natural for a varg to mate and establish a family. "I'm telling you this. I was not hoping to have this encounter with anyone in the near future. I feel like my past was hiding something...a dark secret that was stashed away somewhere in my memory. Something that I cannot retrieve right now. I feel like a brand new varg, like I was just brought onto this world and I was hoping to not let whatever shatter me to do it once more." he finished with a sigh. "Was that all you wish to tell me?" Perhaps there was something more that she had forgotten, something in his lifetime that was tragic or traumatizing that can bring him closer to his goal.

With his past put aside there was another problem that popped in his mind right now was how he interact with this varg in front of his eyes. What she said was no different than a love confession and he certainly did not feel the same way right now. He could not tell her that as the effects would probably be devastating. If he was the varg that she had said could he possibly expect her to live if he had turned her away again? No, he couldn't do that. And without any warning he brought his head to the scruff of her neck and gave her a nuzzle, letting her feel his hot breath on her pelt. One would think that he was leading her on or perhaps he was acting on pure emotion. He couldn't leave her alone after what she had said. Pulling away he waited to see what her reaction would be.

[Uskiya]

She let out a sigh. Obviously if he had wanted his past to be known, he probably would've gone to the vale. Every varg knew that place. "You wanted to know and so I told you." She turned away from him, his voice reached her auds. Anything else? What was she, the all knowing varg of Ge-rad?

"You were gone alot. I didn't know half of anything you ever did. Some vargs hinted that you left to be untrue." She paused, she had never suspected him of anything like that. He loved her too. There was only one femme she had worried about. "Ember Lily." She was surprised that she spoke it out loud. Ember had been a varg that at one point in Cal's life had wanted to cause problems. She had also mated with Uskiya's previous mate. So could it be possible that Ember had tried the same with Cal?

Suddenly Cal nuzzled her neck, the moment of touch would've shot heat through her body. But because she knew, because the world was so cruel, she did not feel it. Her expression as he pulled away changed from surprise to that of sadness. She didn't know why he exactly did that, but it hadn't made a difference. "Cal, you don't need to try and act like my mate. Becuase you aren't, until you remember you're life........."She paused, even if he remembered, would the feeling still remain the same? Would he still love her like he used to? Or would he have changed towards her?

"Is there anything else you want to know?" She turned away from him for a moment. The insides of her felt like they were being a part by thousands of fangs. The sun shined on her but she couldn't feel the warmth.

"I don't know if it matters, but you used to be haunted by the ghost of what happened to your parents. You got over that, you were always so kind to other vargs in need. I knew that if you ever cam across a pup without a mother or pack, you would bring it home. Sometimes I wished you had found a pup all alone, and you could bring it back to Ge-rad." She let out a sigh. "But you never did."

She didn't know if anything she had said might've helped his memory, but there was little else to do. There wasn't much she could do, he had to figure himself out, but she was there if he needed help.

[Cal]

So there wasn't anymore she needed to say. Nothing that would help him see his true self while looking at a reflection. It was like a mirror thrown aganist the ground and shattering to pieces. Only small fragments was found the rest...still waiting to be searched. He was unable to see his true self in anyway. "I didn't half of anything you ever did. Some vargs hinted that you left to be untrue." And she was his mate? He assumed if that was the case she would be his closest person and knew the most about him. However, apparently he had been "gone a lot". Was it like she said that he was untrue and left her alone in this pack called Ge-rad only to go out and be with other faemmes.
Where in Tor's name was he suppose now? Could he just call it quits and leave the past behind him? Just as this thought occured in his mind the gray faemme muttered out a name.

"Ember Lily"

This indeed was the fae responsible for his traumatizing experience which resulted in his memory loss. Moons ago she had forced him into an act of adultery under Wolfbane's lair. The sin that will be forever written in his blood and a black poison in which he could never get rid of. Forever taunting him was that face, those emerald orbs and smile which plagued his dreams. However, even that name did not strike a chord in him. Perhaps it was meant for him to lose his past completely? "Excuse me, who is this Ember Lily?" asked Cal out of curiousity.

His eyes did not break her gaze after his action. He slightly surprised the saddened look that appeared on her face. Wasn't she suppose to feel any joy at all or perhaps angry with his rash actions? Cal had expected anything but her to turn away from him not concealing the sadness that ran through her heart. Her words cut through him like a knife and he realized that they were true. He couldn't pretend and how long would it last if his feelings were not true. "I'm sorry." he muttered. He could at least try to recover his memory, to do that for her and himself. But the question was, was he able to face what lies in the darkness waiting for him.

[Uskiya]

Uskiya felt bad as Cal uttered his apology for nuzzling her. She knew that he hadn't meant it to hurt her. But the fact was, it didn't mean anything to her unless he was back. "Don't be sorry. Its just that..." She didn't truly want to say, didn't want to expose her open wounds to the world. She wanted nothing more than to hide away forever. To lock away the pain that plagued her like locusts often plague lands. She couldn't blame him for trying to help her, after all. She had opened the conversation with announcing that they were mates. What was he supposed to do?

"Ah yes, Ember Lily.She let out a growl. "You knew her when you were younger I think. She mated with my first mate, before you. You came in to sweep me off my paws when I found out about my cheating mate, that was when we met." She spoke kind of fondly for a moment, remembering the good times they had. "I don't know why I brought up her name. I just know that she was present in both our lives.."

She didn't know if that would help him, nothing seemed to be helping him. It was like he was under the ice and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get to him. Couldn't help herself out of the unforgiving water tha trushed about her auds, drowning out any other sounds.She frantically shook the thoughts away and looked back to Cal.

"Draeg was a dear friend of yours, along with Firefly. You knew her pups I believe. Also Draeg's pup Shayla, I think is her name. You two would play around together."She named off a few vargs that might ring a bell to the mann's head. But if even she, his mate didn't bring back memories.... Or maybe he couldn't remmeber her for a reason, maybe he pushed her away.

Stop it Uski, you know better than that.She thought silently, it was possible she was being paranoid and confused, but who could blame her. She was standing in front of everything, and yet she was so far away.