Trying To Comprehend (Cwen and Draeg's Pups)

[Koan]

These days, a confused haze had settled over Koan's mind. After fighting past his own hatred of himself, and his feelings and personal madness, he'd slowly drawn himself back under control. He doubted he would ever be the same; indeed, parts of him were still embers, just waiting for a gust of wind, be it memory or Varg, to reignite his twisted side.

On the flip side, he also had let a bit of him die with Huts. Just as a bit of him lothed those she had saved; Draeg, Cwen. But the cubs... they were reminders of his loss, only to him. He'd only seen them a few weeks after their birth. Even now, he had not seen them, or spoken to them. Somehow, the silver wolf doubted that they even knew of his exsistance. An ache filled up within him, a longing. He felt as if Draeg had forgotten him when he'd had his own cubs... not that Koan had expected any less. Still... he wondered if he was right.

And he wondered if her life had been worth the cost? Were these creatures that perhaps knew not of his living really worth his greatest mistake?

[Kop]

Not too far off from the gun gray wolf Kop lay crouched amidst the bushes watching his elder brother who had wandered far away from the rest of the pack, who were busy tending to other business as usual, so that he could brood silently in peace. For the most part Kop had no real idea or understanding as to why Koan always distanced himself from others but he had been that way for as long as the young dragga could remember, his father had never actually told him the entire story behind Koan’s constant depression only tidbits and as such Kop knew nothing of Yeju or the abuse his brother had faced during his life before meeting Draeg. However Draeg had told him just enough for him to know that Koan had not always been the cynical varg he came off as but rather that he had once been as shy and timid as his younger brother Lycaon, he knew that his bitterness had been a result of Huts’ untimely death and that it was because of that Koan and Draeg had been constantly arguing as of late. Not that this bothered Kop in the slightest not being on the best terms with amber varg himself, he resented the Dragga of Ge-Rad for the fact that he had divided his attention between Cwen and the tan hybrid Firefly instead of devoting himself solely to the silver drappa in a monogamous relationship that was traditional amongst the free varg and as such the two had begun their own series of quarrels which were steadily escalating with each argument.

Watching his Koan’s scarred form Kop quickly glanced down at his own body and gave out a low whine, somewhat ashamed at the fact that he still lacked the muscle capacity of brother who from the look of it was a seasoned warrior. Despite the fact that it Koan was never around Kop admired his brother greatly and was desperate to gain his attention, for as long as he could remember the gray warrior had always given his undivided attention to that of his aunt Huts’ and for that Kop couldn’t help but feel a stab of jealousy for the golden femme though he would often feel guilty afterwards for feeling such towards her knowing that she had died so that he and his siblings could live. It always upset Kop that the elder varg had never wanted to spend any time with his siblings despite Kop’s best attempts to rouse him into play, he had become even more upset when Koan had suddenly vanished for several weeks without so much as telling anyone when Kop was only a few weeks old. Even now when Huts wasn’t around to lap up his attention the gun gray warrior still never spent anytime with Kop or the others, choosing instead to spend his time with the pack’s appointed healer Lydair whom he seemed to be very close to. Trile had recently told him that the pair had become mates and much to his shame Kop felt the same feeling of jealously he had felt towards Huts when she was alive return, Kop had met Lydair once before and while he had nothing against the gray wolf-hybrid it annoyed him that she had managed to gain her brother’s attention without really trying to whereas he had strived for it for as long as he could remember only to be ignored.

But Lydair wasn’t here now and Kop had Koan all to himself, a mischievous smile creeping across his muzzle the grizzled gray varg lowered himself down closer to the ground and began slowly making his way towards the larger wolf, trying to remain as silent as possible, however he wasn’t as adept a hunter as Trile so Kop was unsure if whether he could actually sneak up on Koan or not. When he was about a herla’s distance away from the scarred male, he let out a playful growl and pounced.

[Koan]

THe battle-steel wolf gave a surprised growl as a small, furry body struck him. He rolled a little, taken by surprise by the blow. He was about to growl when he recognized the young wolf. "Oh... it's you." he said softly, his amber eyes tracing the form in his mind. The male had grown, no doubt. He was still cute though, and Koan gave himself a mental shake. Cute? Lydair was tainting his mind. Sighing, he eyed the young wolf. "Your Draeg's boy, right? Kop...? The eldest." He dipped his head. "I'm Koan."

He glanced about, a tad confused. "What exactly are you doing here?"

[Shayla]

the young grey faemme lay on the chilled earth beneath a lifeless shrub. her breath that rose like the steam that curled from the nostrils of the mythical beast, dragon, disturbed the resting place of the only leaf that still clung bitterly onto the otherwise bare branches of the shrub. her blue eyes, that were actually fading to grey, a late procedure by any accounts; watched this leaf rock back and forth in time to her breathing. the young faemme could not deny that she was, utterly and hopelessly, bored. her eyes focused sharply on the leaf again, grey hues split in her right iris by a dash of amber. one noticeable trait that she had inheritated from her father. alongside her long bushy tail that is. in fact she predominately resembled her mother, Cwen. she had a light grey pelt and a dark grey back. the youngster heaved a heavy sigh, and the leaf she had been focusing her attention on, gave up its hopeless endeavour to remain on the branch, and it floated away down onto the cold soil. Shay huffed in annoyance and crawled out of the bush. she needed company. maybe she could go and find Cal? she hadnt seen the varg in a while. or maybe one of her brothers? if none of the vargs of GeRad could entertain her, maybe she could sneak out again and go and find another varg, make a new friend, or find Drathlic maybe?

the thought of finding a new friend or finding her old friend was a much more entertaining and enticing thought than staying in GeRad, and Shay smiled and adjusted her course slightly. although, as she padded on, the scent of two others caught her attention. curious as to whether these two would hinder or tell of her intended passage out of the GeRad territories, the grey faemme stalked closer, her grey orbs peered out from behind some sleeping vegetation and saw her brother, Kop, pouncing on Koan. the brother she had heard of, but not actually met. Koan was somewhat of a mystery to herself and her siblings. she knew very little of him. and Kop seemed to be seizing the chance to get to know him, why shoudl she let him have all the fun?

all thoughts of straying out to where she shouldnt be going were abandoned, and she pranched towards her two brothers, the one she knew well, and the one she didnt. her long bushy tail raised high and a smile written upon her maw, she yipped a welcome. nipping Kop on his ear in an affectionate way. then cocking her head to the side as she wondered how well the same gesture would be recieved on Kop. abandoning all such contemplations, she decided that he too was her brother and nipped him affectionately on his ear.

'whatcha playing?' she asked, tongue lolling out of her mouth and tail wagging slightly at the prospect that she might be annoying Kop by her presense, and the thought of a ame to chase away her boredom.

[Kop]

The young varg collided with his elder brother, the force of the blow sending both wolves rolling in the snow a ways before coming to stop. Immediately Kop leapt to his feet laughing, clearly pleased that he had able to catch his brother off guard when his experience was supposedly far greater than his own. His mirth gradually began to subside and he lowered himself down into a playful bow, holding his head and shoulders low to the ground while he held his hindquarters high in the air as a signal to resume their game.

However he stopped upon hearing Koan’s statement, regarding the gun gray warrior with a hurt expression and drawing himself back up to his feet. Kop had honestly been expecting more of a greeting from his brother than what he had gotten, the young varg had been hoping that now that he had managed to catch Koan alone the elder varg would have greeted him like a brother and packmate the way he should’ve rather than how he had. Like a stranger, it was like Koan didn’t know him and was meeting Kop for the first time. Pinning his ears Kop let his tail hang limply between his legs as he watched Koan made a quick study of him with his melancholy amber eyes, however this only drew forth a light whimper from the younger varg. When Koan finally spoke he seemed unsure of himself, treating Kop as though he hadn’t seen him in years and was having trouble remembering exactly who he was.

Kop was hurt, unsure as to whether he should be angry with his brother for his lack of familiarity with him or depressed that Koan didn’t even seem to know he had existed until this moment. Lydair would’ve recognized him in an instant and not have failed to greet him warmly, neither would any other varg in Ge-Rad. Even Huts had made time for him despite the fact that her body had been torn and her health was slowly diminishing at the time. Torn as of what to feel Kop instinctively went with his gut and gave out a low growl, his features suddenly hardening as he glared accusingly at the elder varg as he raised his protective barrier which he often used to shut himself off from others. “I know who you are![/i]” he spat, raising himself dominantly. “Which is more than I can say for you! You don’t even know who I am do you? Do you even care? Yes I am the one called Kop and as for what I’m doing here, well I was hoping to spend some long overdue time with my elder brother but like always he doesn’t even seem to acknowledge my existence!”

Hackles bristling he turn his attention away from Koan as another sound rang out in the clear air and caught his attention, his pewter gaze immediately settled upon the familiar form of his one and only sister Shayla who was steadily approaching the pair, her muzzle split into a wide grin as she held her fluffy tail high in the air like some kind of strange flag. Shayla nipped his ear and the grizzled varg gave out a low growl, signaling that his temper was already running short and warning his sister that he was already upset. At her question he merely cast Koan a scathing glance and scoffed scornfully, shuffling through the snow and away from the pair. “Nothing Shay! Nothing!”

[Koan]

Koan shot him a scathing glare back. "It's not like your father ever went out of his way to exactly introduce us. And you don't need to act like your so damn superior, just because you know my name. You don't know anymore about me then I do you, Kop, so don't act like I'm the one at fault!" he growled. "You never exactly made an effort to speak to me, either, not before this moment. And if you weren't aware, I haven't been in Ge-rad for much longer then a few weeks!" Koan was furious now; this youngling had the same temperment as he, and Koan knew it. He paused, his chest heaving. "Anyway, no one was ignoreing your exsistance. I have my own issues, kid." He paused, and smiled.

"I was raised by a wolf who beat me, like I was some kind of vent for his anger. Do you have any idea how that feels? To be treated as less then dirt? At least I care about you; even if I'm distant. It's hard to get close to anything that reminds me of Huts. I loved her, and I can't stop thinking of her when I see your mother. Our father... well.. he and I have our own issues these days." He paused again, and nudged him. "Forget it. I'm just boring you. I'm sorry to have bothered you." He dipped his head, and rose from where he'd been tackled, planning to move away and leave Kop to his thoughts; indeed, he had more to think about now then before.

Then of course, Shayla appeared. THe elder male paused, staring at her with amber eyes. The resemblance was uncanny; perhaps he felt now as Draeg had that day in the cave confused, and just a little upset. He paused, and then greeted her as he greeted everyone. "Hello. Shayla, right?" He stared at Kop for another moment, and then sighed. "And before anyone else gets mad at my form of greeting...it's just me. I've always been shy around people I haven't seen in a while. So forgive me."

[Kop]

“My father? Don’t you mean our father?” he growled, meeting Koan’s gaze evenly and returning his scathing glare. “And I’m pretty sure he did, in either case he shouldn’t have had to! You say that I don’t know anything about you anymore than you do me but it’s not like I haven’t tried to, it’s not my fault that you were always too busy to spend time with me. Do you think I never made an effort to talk to you? Well you’re wrong!” The young varg backed away, this wasn’t what he had wanted at all. This wasn’t the elder brother he had always looked up to, the wolf his father had raised and spoke so highly of despite the fact that he was not even his own blood. “I tried, but you never even acknowledged me. You never acknowledged any of us! I let you be then because mom told me Aunt Huts was really sick and that you wanted to be with her, but even when you were never around. Even aunt Huts made time for me, and from what I’ve heard you were raised pretty well!” He fell silent as he began to recall his last moments with his aunt, recalling the last words she had said to him and pondering on their meaning.

Your life will be full of doings, but if you are not careful I’m afraid that you will be an easily target for blame. So you must see past your own guilt and others anger and the heat of the moment to one of the most misunderstood things in the world: truth.

Letting out a brief sigh he looked back over at the gun gray varg, his features drooping visibly. “We’ll never be close will we? This isn’t anymore my fault that it is yours, you have to live your own life and I have to live mine.”

[Koan]

"You never tried!" he snarled back. "When did you come up to me? When? I never even saw you?" he spat as way of return. "When did you come up to me and speak to me? Why do you expect that everyone would be taken? For your life, kid, I lost part of mine! Do you understand that?" Koan shook his head. "If someone killed your mother, would you exactly be wanting to talk to siblings that you know will hate you?" he growled.

Koan shook his head. "I'm tired of taking all the blame. I'm tired of always having to try for everything. You want to be close, then I'm not going to stop you. Just don't blame me for not starting a friendship. It cuts both ways, pal. I may never have seen you, but did it ever occur to you..." he snorted. "That maybe had I come near you, right afterwards, I might try and hurt you? Didn't know tihs about your brother, did you? I was mad, Kop. Madder then I can even begin to explain. And guess what, I screwed up. I never said I didn't. And yet still, no one can forgive my shortcomings. Why is that, little one? Why is it that everyone else is blameless, but I take all the fault?" He shook his head, once more, seeming more and more natural. "I don't want anything anymore then to go back and change things. But if you damn me now, with your words, your decision that we'd never be close... then I won't try to force you."

[Kop]

Pressing his tightly against his skull and giving out a slight whimper Kop cautiously stepped away from his brother, attempting to put some distance between himself and the snarling wolf. Despite the fact that Koan’s words angered Kop greatly the young wolf saw some truth to what he said, Kop had no idea of how deeply Huts’ death had affected his brother or how much Koan missed his first mate. Kop couldn’t help but lower himself in shame, he couldn’t even think of how he would feel if anything ever happened to either his mom or Shayla. Casting a quick glance over at his sister Kop tried to imagine what life would be like without her around to constantly tease and bicker with him, however to his surprise he found that he couldn’t. He loved her too much to even think of a life without her. Koan seemed to calm down and Kop ventured a cautious step forward, resuming his naturally dominant stance he stared up at the scarred gray wolf through steel colored eyes. “I’m sorry.” He growled, lowering his head shamefully so that he was looking at the ground. “I didn’t know. I just want to get to know you, can we still do that?”

[Koan]

"I don't know. Are you willing to try and know me?" Koan said softly. "I've never wanted anything moe in my life then to know those that I lost for. If you want to get to know me... you might not like me. Not that you do much right now... but still." He sighed and shook his head, nudging te little wolf. "And you don't need to apoligize. It's not a big deal. You aren't the first person to blame me for things. You won't be the last."

[Kop]

Listening to Koan speak Kop lifted his head ever so slightly so that he was once again looking up at the scarred gray wolf, a bit more understanding glowing in his silver gray eyes. At his questioned Kop nodded his head vigorously and returned Koan’s nudge, his tail wagging furiously behind him as he returned Koan’s nudge whole heartedly and issued out a quick bark. “Yes, I still want to get to know you. Dad told me all sorts of stories about what the two of you used to do together when you were my age.” His features suddenly soured and he scoffed scornfully, anger bubbling up within the grizzled varg as once again he bitterly recalled his father’s betrayal. “Of course that was before he told us about Firefly and we learned that he was a traitor.” He trailed off resentfully before turning back to face Koan again. “But still, we could do things like that couldn’t we?” A thought suddenly occurred to him and Kop found himself bouncing around excitedly at the prospect of the idea. “Oh, oh, I just remembered that mom told me that Lydair’s getting ready to have pups, that makes me an uncle doesn’t it?” he went about excitedly. “Maybe I can watch over them for you and Lydair from time to time so that you won’t be so busy taking care of them and the pack at the same time?”