The Koran plot is finally underway, where Kadin will meet his demise at the teeth and claws of The Balkar, namely Carnage and Carcharoth. Following will be a battle between Koran and the Balkan ranks, so make sure you have time to participate! Be sure to read and post in our New War Thread, located here
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[~Phantom @ 5/29/09]
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Koran is now open to new members! Please check out the Koran Joining Thread if you're interested. Feel free to PM Phantom or myself with any questions you may have!
[Kai- 6/3/08]
New Skin ? Made by Kadin, as part of the Koran Updates. [Kadin @ 1. 26 . 07]
"But, honestly, are you alright?" Alice's question prodded my mind. Am I OK? Or am I just going insane? I couldn't tell any more. "OK? You really think there's an OK in these days?"
I sighed knowing my sanity would be long gone before long, if this kept up. "I didn't mean to be a jerk, Zab.... I'm sorry." Alice's apology sounded very sincere, at least, as sincere as you could get these days. "No," I whispered hoarsely, "I should be the one apologizing. I'm sorry.... for everything." Maybe another journey was called for. I don't know, I might never know.
"My life has been so rough and tumble recently, especially with Translavania as it is. Nothing is the way it should be any more...." I trailed off. Maybe that was why I didn't want to talk about her. I knew I couldn't keep up this way for long, but just maybe Alice could help.
(Thanks Shunke) Where is the light when you need it?
I was surprised and glad when he finally did respond. I listened politely, paying close attention to his words as he spoke them. He thought he should be apologizing, not me? I was the one who’d badgered him to talk about Silve. I was the one who should be saying sorry and showing forgiveness, not him. Rolling my eyes, I smiled just a bit, but it did not touch my eyes, as he said he was sorry for everything that was said in our short time of meanness. So much for that, I added grimly with my thoughts.
I did not want to say much to him; he seemed down. So, a little sad in spirits now, I just added to his reply nonchalantly,"Yeah," I nodded stiffly and sniffed. "Times have changed." I left it at that and continued to stare unseeingly ahead.
"Yeah, times really have changed." I heard Alice's voice. She probably didn't want to stay here, but I didn't want to go to camp, not yet, and definitely not in this state of mind. I had changed with the times, at least, I probably did. Turning as dark and cold as they were. Realizing this, I smiled grimly. Nothing was remotely happy about the situation, yet still, it felt fitting to smile, suprisingly. I answered one of her previous questions."Yeah, I've changed. More than I'd like to admit, to anyone." Life wasn't kind to the Night Sky, for life belonged to the Day and the Moon. Everything was upside-down, no one was happy that had met me, maybe life might be better without the Night Sky. Maybe, just maybe....
No, I shouldn't think about it. It would be too unkind to myself and my Moon.
Alice was here, she was my friend, and I had wronged her, in many ways."I'm sorry,"I told her again,"I'm sorry. I should have never met you...." The Night Sky brought bad luck to wherever he went.
Last Edit: Aug 31, 2007 21:24:55 GMT -5 by Neithan
(Thanks Shunke) Where is the light when you need it?
((Just wanted to let you know that Alice is done getting attacked. So, if you would like to read it, it is here: Alice (Thalia)'s Attack ))
A l i c e
I was stunned that he was apologizing. He should say he was sorry. But I let him make his amends and I just sat still and listened silently. Then, when he was done, I voiced sadly, shaking my big ivory hued head from side-to-side,
"Don't apologize, Zab. You are my friend and that is all that matters to me. I'm glad I met you. Your my best friend; I would not have it any other way." I smiled, looking blankly at him, wondering what the expression on his face looked like.
I was glad that he was finally listening to my questions. I wondered. . . would he respond to a new one if I asked it? I was merely curious. . . . So, hesitant as always, I asked, "Why, exactly, do you not want me to say her name? Your never really explained. . . ." I voiced trailed off.[/blockquote]
(I saw it, I saw it. I'll have to start up that thread soon, too.)
"Don't apologize, Zab, you are my friend and that is all what matters to me. You're my best friend; I would never have it any other way." I smiled. Alice was my true friend, and I could never forget that. No matter how much we argued, we would always be friends."Thank you, Alice, thank you," That was all I could whisper. I had changed, and maybe not for the better.
"Why don't you want me saying her name, Zab?" She inquired again, "You still haven't answered that question." I sighed, knowing that to this question, there was probably only one answer, and it was long and complex. I could shorten it to a couple statements, and I would leave it at that, and be done with it."I haven't seen her since I left, Alice," I started,"I think think she disappeared with the Moon and Sol." The subject hurt too much to give more, at least, right now."Please, let's just not talk about her," I pleaded with her. (lol, all the colors and italics confuse me, there's just too many. lol)
Last Edit: Sept 3, 2007 14:55:13 GMT -5 by Neithan
(Thanks Shunke) Where is the light when you need it?
So, he did not want me to talk about her. Fair enough I thought as I shrugged and stated humorously, trying to brighten the mood, "So, let me get this straight, you went away for awhile, came back and she, the Sol, and the Moon were gone, correct? And now you have not seen her since, right?" I hoped that I'd gotten all the points right in the matter. Zab seemed so down.
"I miss others too, Zab. Though I have never met anyone who I am close to like you are her." I sighed sadly and shook my ivory hued head. Deciding to change the subject, I said lightly, "So, met anyone new lately? I want to know all the scoop in learning and understanding the long, tangled, tedious life of that of Zabarack." I could not help but smile wholeheartedly at my little comment.
"Met anyone new lately? I want to know all the scoop in learning and understanding the long, tangle, and tedious life of Zabarack." I sighed, if she didn't understand now, she probably never would later. "Well, there's Jasper," I said hesitantly, slowly. My life really was a mess, at least, compared to others I knew. She wouldn't understand the underlying feelings and reasons that went with everything. Maybe, just maybe, another journey to rediscover myself would be necessary. I needed a new purpose, a new reason to live, maybe even a new me. Turmoil came with me, and the package, but it wasn't openly advertised. Not even mentioned at all, and you wouldn't even notice it, at least, until too late. And then you would be caught up in obligations to me, as you had become my friend. The life of Zabarack was a tough one, but I wouldn't, maybe couldn't, have it any other way.
"Can you keep a big secret?" I inquired in hushed tones.
(Thanks Shunke) Where is the light when you need it?
I backpedaled. “Wait a second. You know Jazz?” It shouldn’t have shocked me much, considering the fact the Jasper had tons of friends, but it seemed weird to me that he had the same friends. First Wolfwren, now Zab… who next? I bothered me just a little to think about Jazz. He could be so stubborn—I hated it. But then other times, he was my safe harbor, my best friend…. No, I thought. Zab was my best friend… and sometimes my safe harbor…. As my thoughts trailed off, I trembled at the way my thoughts had progressed.
Zabarack said something more. Something about some secret. A secret? Cocking my head, I gazed intently at my best friend. Then after he was finished, I breathed with awe shining like silk in my voice, “A secret? Why of course my dear friend, I can keep a secret. I swear not to tell a soul.” And I did—I wouldn’t. I would not fail on Zabarack; I would not break my promise; I would—forever—keep this unknown secret. I would take it my grave.
(Posting time! And go get torched, as a plastic army man, with a flamethrower!! (As you can tell, I'm feeling very hyper right now! Note all the exclamation marks!)) "Wait, you know Jazz? Ands you can tell me your secret, I won't tell anyone." I smiled, Alice was dependable, and could be trusted. But, since her change.... I could never know.
Right now, I had many doubts. Not that doubts were bad, but still. I should trust Alice, but somehow, something was making me doubt. I inhaled, a deep breath. I then started to tell her, and hopefully, the bricks would fall into place in her mind. But, hopefully, that wouldn't happen. I then opened my muzzle, and began to speak.
"I fight a war every day. Not a physical one, not one visible to your eye, but I fight one, nonetheless. It's inside me, in the deep, dark crevasses of my heart, that my other side calls home. I always visit there, every night, and fight a battle. A battle that I can barely survive, let alone win. Each night, every night, this struggle for dominance, of control of myself, takes place..... If he manages to take control, you will be able to tell. And if he does, flee. Don't try and save me, for I will be too far gone to be saved." I let my breath out, and inhaled, that brief overview was exhausting, even when it shouldn't have. I then sat there, head on the ground, waiting for Alice's response.
(Thanks Shunke) Where is the light when you need it?
I was right about my suspensions about Zabarack back when I’d first met Silve. He’d acted weird then too—like his mind had been split in two. Half evil and grim; the other nice and loving—the Zabarack I had known... or at least thought I had. Now, he was different; I could tell. His mind altered in some way... and I did not know how. All I knew was that a “battle raged inside him” like he’d said. Was that battle, different for the battle I’d fought to keep myself alive through the pounding waters of the waterfall? Or the same? I pondered the thoughts carefully, wondering exactly what my dearest friend was going through.
Was he in pain? In pain over this battle? Was he afraid? I shook my head solemnly. He shouldn’t be, I thought. Me and Silve can help him pull through this.... But then, I wondered if we couldn’t. What if we helped him, but failed? What if he turned into Channon—I cringed internally at the name. I didn’t want my best friend to turn evil.... That would be tragic.
I trembled at Zabarack’s words and said, the sorrow for him ringing clear in my voice causing it to be thick with the sadness, “Zab... I-I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. It was uncalled for. If I’d known about what happens to you every night—every day!—I would not have acted the way I did. And, for that, I am truly sorry.” I dipped my head, ashamed, now, with the horrible way I’d acted towards him. He deserved better then a friend like me. Still wishing that I could help him, I shook my head. Why couldn’t I help him? He didn’t want me to save him, as he put it. That he was too far gone to be saved.... From experience, I knew that was never true. One could always be changed if one decided upon it. And I did not believe the word never so he could not ever say that I could never help him. Somehow, I would find a way, somehow I would save him. If it took all my life to do it, I still would—without a second thought. He was my friend and I loved him, so I would never give up. Just like I have never given up when I thought I was going to die when she had attacked. Somehow, I would make him understand that he could be saved and that I would save him.
Sighing to myself, I added, wanting to convince Zabarack that he wouldn’t always be condemned to live this life, “I will fight with you, Zabarack. You are my friend and I love you. And, for that, I will fight till the end, even if it causes my own death.”
((Your post has awaken my muse!!! *is hyper now*))
"I will fight with you, Zabarack. You are my friend and I love you, and I will fight til the end." I laughed, a hollow sound."How can you help if you cannot reach the battlefield? You can't fight this battle-for me, or with me- only I can. You can't reach inside my head, and pull out the evil, you can't enter my mind each night. No, you can't do anything for me, in this fight. And Alice, you can't help me pull through it. It's something that will last an entire lifetime. Wherever there is light, there is darkness, and wherever there is extreme light, there must be extreme shadow as well. It is something that I must endure, alone, and as long as I can keep my sanity, I should be fine. But if my eyes ever turn red, run. Run as far away as you can.... I won't be myself anymore then." Fighting demons in my head was hard, and left me physically exhausted when I woke from my nightmares and battle. I knew she would try to help me, but there was no way. No way for her to help, that would be meaningful and would actually have an effect. Life would be hard from here on out. Maybe the shadows would whisper to me, even after these many moons of abandonment.
Last Edit: Sept 13, 2007 20:24:37 GMT -5 by Neithan
(Thanks Shunke) Where is the light when you need it?
(( Sorry it took so long to post. I hope you don't mind.... ))
A l i c e
"Zabarack, I will find a way to help you. Never forget that I will always help you. Always." Devoted to helping him as I was, I was sort of terrified of him. Sort of. What if he did hurt me? What did he mean "…but if my eyes ever turn red, run. Run as far away as you can.... I won't be myself anymore then…" Was he a split? Someone with a double personality? I shivered. Trying to make a jest out of it, I mumbled, “You know, Zab, I can’t really tell if your eyes go red…” I trailed off. “I’m sort of blind, y’know.” But, right now, it didn’t matter that I was blind. All that mattered was that Zabarack was in pain and he needed help.
If he didn’t think I could help, he was wrong. Somehow, I would find a way; I had no clue how, but I would. Even if it was my last move—I would help him. I would. I would help him fight the war inside him. I would to everything I could for my best friend. Whatever the price was, I would pay it. Even if he didn’t want the help, even if he hurt me while I was helping him, even he did deserve someone kindhearted, someone a little less selfish then me, someone like Silve, I would help him. No matter what.
The wind howled in outrage as I listened to the sudden silence. The yellowish light of the half-moon shone through the silhouettes of the trees; though I couldn’t see it. Remorse filled me. Why did our reunion have to be like this? Couldn’t it have been happier? Full of bliss and fun and jests and friendship and love? But, no, it had to be full of anger and hate and disagreements and secrets. But at least he’d cared enough to tell me about his secret, so that was good. How awful it would have been if he’d never told me. I would have hated that—like how I always hated to be left out. Like how I hated being alone. Like how I hated not seeing… Like how I hated being away from Zabarack for too long… And like how I hated seeing Zabarack like this…
(OK, depressed Zabby mood, depressed Zabby mood. Been awhile since I've done it like that. And it's all good Alice, I know why, and that's good enough for me. =) )
"Zabarack, I will find a way to help you. Never forget that I will always help you. Always. You know, Zab, I can’t really tell if your eyes go red.... I’m sort of blind, y’know.” I sighed, quietly, so Alice could not hear, and if she could, it was a slight sound, incapable of provoking any thought other than I was taking a deep breath. "Alice, you don't get it. You will be able to tell. I will be.... noticably different." I spoke these words in a quiet, tired voice, as if I was tired from carrying my heavy burden. Hell, I was tired of carrying it, for so long, with it's consequences, and my consience, I was heavy-laden with guilt and despair, and they both do not go easily.
My tone took on a louder, more agitated tone, as what she said first hit me, and hell, it hit me hard. "Alice, you can't-can't-help me. I'm beyond help. I'm condemned, my sins many and burdens heavy. And nothing-nothing-you can do to change it. Alice, trying to help is like trying to stop an avalanche by yourself. Impossible." I caught my breath, after that long-winded speech. "Alice, try all you like, but in the end, it will be futile. You, as well as me, will be buried under that avalanche, the non-melting avalanche, buried alive. I don't want that for you-I don't. Please, Alice, don't condemn yourself to my fate, it will waste two lives, rather than one. And Alice, I know. I know you're terrified, I can smell it from here. You obviously know what I am and what I shall become." I let the onslaught end, having to breathe. "Alice, You know that I am fallen, and falling still, to a dark fate. You know that; you're terrified of it. Yet you feel a duty to me, a duty that I have relieved you of, yet you still insist on it. Alice, you don't owe me this, I deserve it, with my fallen heart and mind. And damn it, you don't deserve to fall because I did. Don't make that fool mistake, Alice. I know you aren't a fool, and you do too. Please, Alice, don't try to fulfill that duty that the loyal friend would perform, I don't want-don't need-that help, because it would be useless in the end." I paused momentarily to catch my breath, then began the downpour anew. [/size] "Yet you know that too, Alice, yet you still want to fight, and now, now I'm begging you, don't sacrifice yourself for me. I don't deserve. I don't deserve that damn privilige, I lost it a long, long time ago. Please, Alice, don't do it. Don't bury yourself in the avalanche, trying to save me. I'm not worth it; I'm not even worth being your friend, there are so many more-so many more that have not fallen as far as I have, Alice. I beg you, don't trouble yourself with me." I had to catch my breath; I was panting and panting hard. It was hard on me, talking this much, but still, I had to. "Alice, please, don't force yourself under the avalanche for my sake. I'd rather be under it alone than both of us, and damn it, Thalia, you deserve to be out of it much more than I do. Please, don't do this; it's not worth it, the death that will come. I beg you, Thalia, don't help me." I ended it, and I was severely out of breath. [/font]
Last Edit: Nov 13, 2007 23:12:19 GMT -5 by Neithan
(Thanks Shunke) Where is the light when you need it?
Anger filled me and I began to shake. He thought that he did not deserve this? That he did not deserve a friend, someone he could count on? That it was a waste for me to help him? Well he was wrong. And I would prove it to him somehow. He deserved better, he deserved better then me. And if he thought otherwise… he would be wrong. I growled incoherently, trying to stop myself from interrupting him with saying a word or two myself and looked away.
The wind howled and I shook with it. Though it was anger that shook me, not the cold. I listened silently, patiently, until he said the last few words. “Please, don't do this; it's not worth it, the death that will come. I beg you, Thalia, don't help me.”
A snarl grew in my throat and I whipped around angrily to face him. “How could you think that you don’t deserve my help? You do Zabarack, you do! How many times do I have to tell you, I will help you no matter what! And I don’t care if you hurt others, I don’t care if you hurt me! I don’t care! I could care less if you killed me Zabarack. I don’t care! I just want to help you. I don’t care what the consequences of my actions are.” I took a deep breath, concentrating only on the sound of the quickening of my breath. “And there is not dept that I feel I owe you. I want to help you. You’re my best friend and I can’t afford to lose you.”
I sighed and looked away from him again, losing steam. “Of course I’m scared Zabarack. Of course. You’re hurting—"
[/i] I broke of and just simply listened to the silence of the night, wondering what he would say. [/blockquote][/color]
"Of course I'm scared, Zabarack. Of course. You're hurting-" She let it drop there. "I'm hurting you," I finished her statement. "And that's why I don't want you to trust me anymore. I don't want to hurt you, or anyone else. That's why, Alice. That's why...." I softly dropped off. I didn't know I was hurting her, but damn it, I was always hurting everyone. And now I was on the path, I couldn't get off. Life didn't quite-nay, doesn't quite-work that way. She didn't know the hurt, the worry, the extra burden she was putting on me. She didn't know what it felt like; she's never had to live a life like mine. I didn't want to hurt anyone, least of all her, at all, not anymore. I now knew the pain, the guilt, the suffering, of it, and I didn't want to experience it again. She would never quite know the feeling that came, knowing that you hurt others and might hurt again, the pain, the guilt, the worry. "Please, Alice, listen to me. You don't know the pain that it would bring me, and you'd have to experience it to know it. Please, don't make me suffer. I don't want to hurt you, and that's why.... that's why I want you to go away. Please, I'm begging you. I don't deserve you, you are a much more loyal friend then I could ever be. You wouldn't - and don't - know the pain that you would give me if you stayed by my side. The guilt, or the worry, none of it have you experienced, and you don't know, you don't know what it's like. Please, I beg you. I beg you, trust my judgement." I told her. It might hurt her, but it was all for the good. But, was it selflessness, or selfishness? Did I want to stop my pain, or did I want to prevent hers?[/font][/size]
(Thanks Shunke) Where is the light when you need it?