Ever-Night

[ashindi]

I have made this story up...I hope you like it

Long ago in a world far away,in many galitxys away.There was a world called Ever-Night.Many wolves lived on the plant,and some humans.But one day an evil brute named Kujo took over the lands of Ever-Night!He killed many wolves.

But a fea named Skyingna,fell in love with him.He too loved her.A month later they had 3 pups.Named Ashindi , Kaligula , and Geminias.But Kujo only wanted 2 pups so he tried to kill Ashindi!

Ashindi exscapped Kujo`s mighty jaws and made a wildfire that killed Skyingna!

I will put more but that is all I got...Will make rest of it later...

[Gryffin]

It's pretty good so far! I like it. But I think you could put more detail in the paragraph. Like a little more history about Ever-Night, maybe why its called that and some things about it, like how it looks like.

and maybe you could briefly tell how he came to be the ruler of Ever-Night and why did he kill so many wolves. Did he have helpers? how did the wolves react to his ways?

How did the two fall in love? was it just love at first sight?
And maybe you could just add why he had wanted two pups. Wouldn't he have wanted more pups? The more pups he had, perhaps they would fall under his reign and help him in his authority? Or maybe he was afraid of oen of the pups conquering over him? That's why he wanted to kill one?

How was Ashindi able to make a wildfire? And how did it kill Skyingna? and how did Ashindi react. .

Well you might be wondering WHAT IN TOR I'm typing all that for. Well its just a few questions I had wodnered when I read it. I think it would be even better if it had more detail and explained more thoroughly.

It has a very good plot line so far though! Can't wait for the rest of it!

[Farrah]

I agree with Gryffin about needing more detail. But the story itself is good. It's very creative and with a little touch up, I'm sure it could eventually be published. But, as I said before, more detail!!

[darkrose]

A bit short, but apart from that OK