Curl Up And Die [Tourniquet]

[Alice]

//OOC: Note to self-- this thread happens after the death of Chiaroscuro. //


The leaves were changing their colors around this time, turning from the vivid green they possessed in the spring and summer to a group of flame-like hues: brown, orange, red, and bright yellow. They drifted on the crisp breeze, a breeze insuring nights of cold to come, falling down gracefully to the ground below, blanketing the grass with a thin layer of color. The nights were getting longer, or at least it seemed that way. Shorter days, somewhat colder too, seized the lands as the new season was introduced yet again. Autumn had already arrived, but it was dragging winter in its clutches behind it. It wouldn’t be long until snow would begin plummeting down from the sky, covering the flame-colored leaves and the grass below that. The trees would be bare (except for the pines, naturally) and the cold would be almost unbearable. However, the winter, everything about it-- the bitter cold, the biting wind, the sleepless nights, the haunting nightmares, and the freezing snow-- were nothing more than a tiny thorn to her side compared to the way she felt now.

Because her life, her suffering, meant nothing to her at all, not when she’d just found out that her adopted son was gone. He was dead and it was all her fault. If she’d just been in Koran instead of wandering around aimlessly through the forest searching like she so often did, then perhaps she could have prevented the murderer from killing him. If she’d just been there to stop it…. The fact that she hadn’t been there hurt almost as bad as the death itself. Her little Roscuro was gone… forever. Trembles raced down her spine as she ambled through Koran, her home which now felt so distant and empty. She’d never been so alone, so wounded in her life. Not when Channon shoved her off that waterfall, not when her best friend disappeared, and not even when Jasper died. All those memories were painful, but this… was worse. And that damn Deorian had killed him.

Head lowered, she staggered through the pine trees, not feeling a thing when the needles prickled in her pelt. They were nothing compared to the eternal pain. Her paws were unsteady for a change and she stumbled brokenly, not quite knowing where she was going and not really caring either, nearly hitting trees in the process. But that didn’t matter either. Nothing really matter anymore. Her mind was numb right now, for she hadn’t truly grasped the concept that she little Roscuro was never coming back. In the morning, if she was still living, the pain would be a thousand times worse. Idly, she wondered how many more tragedies her heart and mind could take before it became just too much. Surely it had to be soon. She’d lost count how many times someone she loved had passed away. And now Chiaroscuro….

She yelped in surprise, fumbling backward as a sudden external pain throbbed on her head. She shook herself, tossing her head from side to side to ease the pain, her paws moving her in shaky motions as she did so. A pain on her shoulder struck her next as she staggered blindly against another tree. Whipping around, she whined as a new pain stung her side. Confused and frightened, clearly not entirely herself, she lurched forward, breaking into the start of a run only to be attacked in the face again by another tree. Whimpering both from the hurt inside and outside her head, she swayed unevenly until she fell to the forest floor, helpless, shaking and shivering from the cold, wanting so much to just lay there and die.

[Tourniquet]

The cold, the biting winds, the howling ice that often clung to his tail and bit his fur off was becoming worse as the days passed, but at least the internal battle had becoming easier now, the creature of his memories no longer being much of a problem and acting more like an ocasional annoyance. Sighing heavy and steamy breaths the omega silently trotted through the dying forest, humming a little at the leaves crunching softly under his heavy set paw pads, golden brown eyes glancing here and there while auditories flicked and perked now and then to the sounds of the forest.

So many things had happened in the pack, first was the death of the Alpha which he himself had actually witnessed and by some miracle of Fenris he had survived seeing, knwoing that if the killers had known him to be there he doubted he would have been alive right now. Shuddering at a particularly hard gust of icy wind he moved on, wet black nose twitching in the cool air as he studied his surroundings, the beast within sleeping soundly to escape the cold anger of approaching winter. But soon the light scent of a little blood and muffled sounds of pain instantly distracted him from the cold.

Concerned now the sikla altered his course and heading in the direction of the smell and sounds, wondering who on earth was out there getting hurt right now, though honestly he was hesitant to find out. It wasn't long before he spotted the prone form of Alice and instantly concern and worry jolted his being, without thought he bounded over to her "Alice!" moving to her side he began to whimper softly, gently nudging the femme and lightly licking her muzzle in concern, tail flicking nervously as he studied her "Alice, what happend? Why are you lying here?"

[Alice]

Heart full of icy despair, she shifted her body, lowering her head onto her paws and wrapping her raccoon-ringed tassel around her trembling self for warmth. It really wasn’t that cold out that night--just a light, cool breeze-- but going through another round of depression made the atmosphere seem below freezing to her. She shook again, her shoulders quivering as another shivering convulsion captured her body with its torture. Her multi-colored eyes-- one a deep chocolate brown, the other a light sky blue-- were dilated, the pupils so large that there was hardly any space for the iris, and they stared ahead, seeing absolutely nothing but black. Puffs of smoke-like air twisted out of her maw as her breathing accelerated until it was ragged and rapid. The fur around her neck was tangled and astray, and her ears were pressed tightly against the top of her skull. A lonely, broken whine escaped from her maw as she lay there, hurting.

It took her a long moment to realize that someone was there. As absorbed in her pain as she was, she hadn’t heard the sound of Tourniquet’s voice. However after a few hundred heartbeats, her brain seemed to recognize that someone was there and supplied the words he’d said that she hadn’t heard for her. Tourniquet. When was the last time she’d seen him? It had only been once, back with Phantom and Kai…. Incoherent, her sluggish brain couldn’t recall the exact time and place she’d last seen him. It had been back when she’d been able to see because she remembered him. In the state she was in, it was surprising that she even remembered his voice and could put a name to that, without the ability to see him.

Tearing her eyes from staring off in space, she turned her head a little to look in the direction the voice at came from. Light licks on her muzzle caused her to stiffen for a split second, but then she thawed out because she knew Tourniquet wasn’t like Zabarack and would never hurt her. “Tourn- Tourniquet?” she whispered weakly, acting like she didn’t know it was him. “I- I’m fine,” she stammered out. “Nothing happened… I just….” She trailed off, unable to say anything more because it would be a lie. Quivering, she shifted her forelegs again and tried to push herself to her four paws, but, with a startled yelp of pain, she sank back down, cringing. It hurt too much to move, not just because of the external pain. “Nothing happened,” she repeated pathetically. “I’m just…” Shaking her head, she murmured in a lower tone, “It hurts, Tourn.”

[Tourniquet]

Auditories flicked as he caught Alice's words, his concern only growing from seeing her sluggish movements and confused voice, he could hear the hurt dripping off each one of her words as though she was covered in cuts that no one could see, as if the pain was tearing apart her soul bit by bit and scattering it amongst the merciless and icy winds. Instantly hearing her words the omega blinked his gentle golden brown eyes at her last comment and it didn't take long for him to know what she had been talking about... her little Roscuro.

He had not been present to see what had happened to Alice's little son but he had heard the tale enough, killed by a wolf from Deor, the thought forced a frown upon the sikla's maw and he seemed disgusted by the idea of anyone killing a defensless little cub. But that was haunting the fae in front of him now and though he couldn't heal that wound, perhaps... just perhaps he could try and help it to scar over a little faster... to make the bleeding wound stop bleeding anymore.

His heart went out to Alice as she struggled to stand only to fail and fall to the ground before finally giving up, he could tell her will was shattered, but she couldn't give up now... thogh Roscuro may be gone she still had little Della to look out for. As the howling winds grew stronger the Koran sikla shuddered before slowly circling around to Alice's other side, the side the wind was hitting, and slowly he settled down beside her and tried to shield her at least somewhat from the harsh winds, feeling so bad for her as he heard the sorrow and agony in her words, in sympathy he gently began to lick between her ears, trying to offer comfort to the broken Femme "I know Alice...I know it hurts. though he had not lost a pup he knew what it felt like to just want to curl under a rock and die, to want everyone to leave you alone and let you pass on... so you could perhaps find peace.

[Alice]

It was weird how Tourniquet automatically seemed to understand what she was feeling, what she was going through, and offered comfort without a thought of selfishness or loathsome words. Never before had a mann her age treated her with such sympathy and kindness. It seemed almost unnatural of an action, but it was comforting to know that there was at least one mann out there that cared. The warmth of his body pressed against hers as the wind picked up again, tugging chilly air with it. This too was soothing and serene, although it wasn’t enough to ease the aching hurt that she felt inside. Her shoulders shook again as another tremor coursed through her body, but its effect wasn’t as harsh as before; the warmth of Tourniquet’s body-heat was enough to ease away the cold, on the outside anyway. Icy claws still clung to her heart.

“T- Tourniquet?” she muttered, her voice barely audible. “Thank you.” Did she need to explain why she was thanking him? It seemed almost unnecessary to the extant of that; telling him would be silly. Surely he would know without a second thought what she was thanking him for. For being here with her in her darkest hour, for being compassionate when there was nothing in it for him. Alice sniffed, still trembling from the cold but warming up; her muscles were thawing out, melting till they weren’t stiff anymore. Her whole body relaxed from its rigid position as the heat spread. The warmth felt nice after the biting cold. She wanted to say something, but words failed her. And what could be said during this time of quiet and warmth? At least she knew she had one friend in the world.

Moments of silence passed by undisturbed as Alice lay unmoving. Mostly she was enjoying the moment while it lasted. Soon Tourniquet would have to leave, she was sure, to assume the task he had been performing before he’d noticed her. The cold would return when he left, along with the thoughts that stung like hornets, each one stinging over and over. Loneliness’ plague would be upon her again and coupled with the pain from the bruises, it would be too much to handle. The thought caused her to shake. How come no one stayed? They all had left, in their own ways. First her parents, then Jasper, Zabarack, and now little Roscuro. Tourniquet would leave too. Would Della be next then?

“When the arctic melts,” she murmured sourly under her breath, her words almost a snarl. She’d make sure nothing happened to Della, even if it killed herself in the process. The Gods couldn’t take everything way from her, could they? They’d be no better than the Evil One himself. And Tourniquet... she hoped he would stay.

[Tourniquet]

A smile curled the black lips as the omega heard the quiet word of thanks from the broken femme, softly he wondered how long it would take Alice to recover from the ghastly wounds and scars she now suffered from. But not knowing this answer he instead decided to stick around and continue to offer what comfort he could to the femme, he could at the very least tell that his warmth was indeed helping to relax her once stiffening muscles that the harsh winds had fought so hard to freeze and break. Auditories flicked at her words of thanks and, with another soft smile upon his maw, the sikla lowered his head to rest upon Alice's neck fur.

Why he had placed his head there he did not know but something had told him it was a good idea, wether it be that unbearible cur from within or perhaps even a voice upon the freezing wind... whatever it was it just felt like something that needed to be done "You're welcome." came the soft murmur from the mann as he settled down next to the femme. He began to wonder if perhaps she thought he needed to be somewhere, honestly he had just been walking and in truth he never had anything of great importance to attend to, it was always just wander around from place to place in the territory, scavanging food when he could find it.


Then he caught her bitter words, the tone of her voice was enough to chill the hearts of any wolves nearby and even scare away little pups. Silently he flickered his golden brown gaze down to her and silently wondered what she had meant by that... but perhaps it was better not to question it, although the winds had thankfully died down some by this point, making it much easier for the both to stay warm now, it had been difficult to keep any heat a second ago, now all was silent save for the few sparrows and jays flicking from tree to tree, singing their songs, unaware of the world around them... how lucky.

[Alice]

//OOC: Sorry it took me so long and sorry this post is lame. :/ ///


The birds were no longer silent; their chirps of joy filled the heavens with their pleasant sounds. Blue jays, sparrows, and the lot of them flew from tree to tree, creating their music, so carefree. They hadn’t a clue what hardships there were in life, what Man was capable of or what cruel things nature could do. In truth, nature could be worse than Man. Nature could turn someone savage, could cloud the eyes so one couldn’t see, could shade the mind in shadows, stuff the ears so no noise could be heard, cripple someone drastically, kill, torture, ruin lives…. Nature was heartless and completely unfeeling, a true monster. The birds had no idea what life could be like. They were the lucky ones.

Alice sniffed, wishing she could have been one of the lucky one’s like the birds. But that was life, her life, and she would just have to live it as best as she could. Nothing could be down no matter how much she wanted it to. At least the winds had died down by now, instead of buffeting Tourniquet and her like before. Now the air was somewhat warm, with the absence of the colder gusts. The shivers trembling through her body had subsided until she was left feeling numb and inert. Head placed on the forest ground, Alice stared ahead, a blank expression upon her face, bi-hued lanterns murky yet still holding on to their true hues. Alice’s ivory coat stood out like a red wolf in winter against the ruddy coloured leaves that littered the ground. Oranges, reds, and browns all mingled together, covering the crisp earth beneath, and the trees were much the same. There was no place to hide in a world filled with such colour when she was only black and white.

Heaving a long, exasperated sigh, Alice shrugged out from underneath Tourniquet’s head and staggered to her paws. On her feet, she swayed a little, unsteady. Sneaking a glace at Tourniquet, Alice wondered if he would like to accompany her to the heart of Koran. A nice, warm den was what she had in mind, a place to sleep off the memories. Curious, she asked, head lowered and facing the ground, “Tourniquet? Would you mind coming with me? I think I might need help…” Her legs trembled, and she stumbled forward. “… with walking.” Ears perked up rather than pinned back, she listened for his answer, hoping and praying to Tor that he wouldn’t leave, at least not yet. She wasn’t ready to be alone again.

[Tourniquet]

The gusts had withered in their fury for now, but he knew they would pick up again when they were least expected. But this was launched from his mind as Alice moved out from under his head and stood, peaking his curiousity. Auditories flicked forward to catch the femme's words and he could not help but give a small, but concerned, smile toward her as he forced himself onto his fours. Gently he moved over to her and brushed his muzzle to her's as a sign of reassurance, as though to set in stone the fact that he wouldn't leave her like this. "Of course, Alice." he murmured softly, quietly taking place by her side as they began to walk.

He kept glancing to her to make sure she did not stumble. If she started to lean a little too far forward or in any other direction the mann would move to nudge her back onto course. He could understand her loss of balance, so overcome by stress balance was a hard thing to find. But he did not speak and instead let her know he was still with her by nudging her now and then and helping her keep upright. He couldn't have left if he wanted to as he would hate himself for leaving her in this condition; no he would stay with her until she could stand on her own feet. Slowly the calls of the birds died away as they flew off in another direction; their sounds taken over by the rustling of squirrels or rabbits in the undergrowth.

[Alice]

//OOC: So very sorry for the long wait. I’ll make it up to you by posting faster next time. :c //



She nodded her ivory head slowly, looking away from the trees and the birds and the direction she’d come. Looking away from where Della was and looking away from Tourniquet. After all where else could she look? Black was all she saw; all she would ever see. Besides, no one, most surely not Tourniquet, would want her dead, blind eyes, seeing something they had no comprehension of, staring at them without any expression. She must have been quite a sight: blind, expressionless, bruised, disheveled, mentally hurt, and hardly able to stand by herself. It was ridiculous. Ridiculous because she wasn’t entirely herself, because she wasn’t in her right mind, and because she was with Tourniquet. Shouldn’t she ought to have known better by now? Making new friends always had their consequences: an old friend would die. And Alice didn’t want that. But there wasn’t anything she could do. That was all in Tor and Fenris’ paws….

With Tourniquet at her side, Alice moved at a slow pace, thankful for his presence in her deepest hour of need, even though she knew it would cost her. When she has been little, her mother Kiola had always told her stories about the “wonderful” Gods. Back then, she had believed just that and how kind they where to their creations. Now, after all the hardships she’d been through, she didn’t know what to believe. Were the Gods respectful and caring, or cruel and murderous like Wolfbane, the Evil One? They hadn’t been so compassionate to Alice. Killing her parents, making her blind, killing Jasper, sending Zabarack away… and now little Roscuro. Della was all she had left.

Feeling a nudge against her side, Alice was again aware of Tourniquet’s presence. And she remembered: not only did she have Della, but she had Tourniquet too… or she could. A smile tugged at the corners of her maw, despite to fact that she was in a poor mood. Tourniquet said he would stay, and if he really meant it… then maybe she wouldn’t have only Della. If he stayed, she wouldn’t be alone, wouldn’t be as heartbroken. Because she’s have someone else to love, someone who was still alive, instead of mourning over the dead and her loses. “Thanks Tourn,” she murmured, pressing her muzzle against his shoulder, a smile still lingering there. “Thanks for being here for me, when no one else was. How can I ever repay you?”

A thought struck her. She had always questioned the Gods, about whether what they were doing to her was punishment or just for their amusement. What she wouldn't give to have a little one-on-one talking session with them. Just to make them see all the horrible things they had thrown her way. Perhaps they would pity her, grant her something wonderful in exchange. Like for that damn Delilah to be killed for murdering another. Or her sight to come back. Or better yet, little Roscuro. What she wouldn't give for that to happen… but maybe, just maybe, Tourniquet was her prize for all her suffering.

[Tourniquet]

This is the darkest night.
Stars have all faded away.
Quiet upon this world.

"Wait a moment Alice." the sikla murmured gently to the blind femme, motioning her to stop for a moment, then with slow movements he moved to support her on the other side as the land began to slope just a bit, only moving due to the idea of her possibly losing her footing and taking a tumble, the thought of this happened cause him to flinch. Soon he nudged her again to signal they could continue and so they did, the wind whistling gently as it ruffled their fur. He had to wonder why no one had come to the female's aid... it was as if the whole pack had evaporated into nothingness, he had not seen Phantom or even Kai in several days now... only glimpses here and there but still it was not really much.

But upon feeling the she wolf press her muzzle into his shoulder the Mann couldn't help but curl his black lips into a smile and in return he gently leaned over and licked her atop the head, returning the gesture of affection.

An ear flicked upon hearing her speaking of repayment for being there and his smile became a small frown, ears flicking back "Repay-? Alice... You do not need to repay me." he murmured gently, nudging her a little to get her away from a sharp drop in the land, his frown moved to form a line across his maw ""I know what it's like to suffer alone.... with no one there to pull you out of the shadows... to offer comfort and support when it should be there." he shivered a little bit but then smiled gently, turning golden brown eyes to the femme despite knowing she wouldn't see the gesture, it mattered not "I can't stomach the idea of leaving someone to suffer that like I did.... I'll stay with you as long as you want me to." with that he grew quiet again, blinking a little as the winds picked up just a bit and an owl hooted somewhere in the distance... night would fall soon and the other hunters of the night would emerge soon... very soon now.

Through the clouds there is a light.
We will find our way.

[Alice]

I would die for you.
Cross the sky for you.

Like the similarities that burning fire and freezing ice had, she and Tourniquet had so much in common. Both had suffered from their time of loneliness, both had been in the shadows and felt unwanted. But there were differences too, though the differences were far vaster than their similarities. Alice had never felt this close to anyone before, closer to him than Zabarack, her mother, her father, Silverwren… even though she hadn’t known Tourniquet for very long. It was probably due to the fact that they did have so much in common and knew how the other felt from their own experience. So she knew what he meant by that, when he said that he knew what it was like to suffer alone. They both knew… both had felt the feeling, could sympathize with each other…. It felt wonderful to finally have someone who understood, without having any doubts about the other’s sanity.

Alice’s ivory hued ears flicked with impatience when they caught Tourniquet’s words and she pressed her side more heavily against his for support. “Do you really expect me to pass this off, without something to show my gratitude?” she asked, shaking her head stubbornly as they walked to the dens of Koran. “I think not.” She blinked, her sightless staring at the blackest of black. “There must be something I could do for you… anything.” Raking her head for any ideas, she followed by Tourniquet’s side, for he was her eyes today because of her instability. They walked in silent as she thought, but although she was thinking hard about anything she could possibly do to repay him, she can up with nothing and her mind drifted to other thoughts. For the first time, she wondered about Tourniquet’s past—where had he come from? How did he come and decide to join Koran? What had he been up to lately? She’s known him before now, but had never really had a conversation of remembrance. His life was as unknown to her as death was.

Curious, she opened her maw to ask, but thought better of it. After all, he’d said he would stay as long as she wanted him too, and learning about his life could wait for another night, or at least until they were safely without the heart of Koran, resting their tired legs. And wounds, she added as an after thought, wincing at the pain that flared in her muscles from her bruises which were probably turning black-blue beneath her thick coat. The one on her shoulder was almost unbearable. Gently lifting her paw from the pine-leaf covered forest floor, she limped unevenly, most of her weight pushing against Tourniquet’s side. “Sorry,” she murmured softly, breathless. Somewhere out in the deep darkness of the forest, an owl hooted, about to start its hunt and the sound of its cry caused Alice’s muscles to tighten in alarm. The biting winds around them began to pick up a little, dragging the winter’s chill in their icy fingers. Alice shivered. They had to be close to the dens soon, shouldn’t they?

I will send out a light burning for you alone.

[Tourniquet]

You´re all I need.
You set me free.

The sound of the owl was only temporary to his attention, instead he focused more upon Alice and her words. Hearing the stubborness behind her voice he couldn't help but smile again, amused by this and warmed a little from the humor. He smiled wider when he noticed the dens approaching, only a few feet now. For a bit he let the idea of what she could do for him simmer in his mind, letting it soak in an contemplating the options he had.

But before then he heard her apologize for putting so much weight on him and instantly he spoke back to her in a gentle but reassuring tone "It's alright, I don't mind." with that he gently led her inside one of the larger dens that could easily hold them and a few more if needed, hiding away from the bitter air and biting winds. Gently he helped her lower down and lay before moving around and laying down next to her.

Again he thought on her words then with a smile and a flick of his ears he spoke "You can repay me easily..." he murmured gently, slowly lowering his head to rest upon her neck while letting out a slow breath and then finishing his words "By being there.... to listen to my own pain... by staying by me when I am in pain.... like I am to you now." some would say he was easy to please... but he didn't believe in using someone as 'repayment' extortion yes... but not repayment. He didn't know why he was saying these things... but he felt more at home with Alice then he did in his old pack... it was easy to connect with her.

Kai had once spoken to him about his problems... but the beta had at first been confused by his words and had trouble offering help... no surprise there, it wasn't exactly an easy problem to fix with just words...but here he felt better, that he was able to help someone a small bit... and in return would gain their help back. Something in him told him Alice would keep her word of repayment... and that made him feel warmer.

And this Fire will guide you home.

[Alice]

There is an open door
Somehow it feels so familiar.

Safe within the security of Koran’s dens, Alice let out a sigh of relief and relaxed her tensed muscles as she settled down into a lay with the help of Tourniquet. Out of the bitter wind and the wintry temperature of the vanishing snow, she could talk with Tourniquet without any interruptions. They were here alone, and the now sudden silence of the approaching night was reassuring. Vaguely, she remembered, almost from a different world, that Della was out there, somewhere, broken and alone. Some mother she was. Running away after hearing the news, leaving her other little one to fend for herself. So much for having courage and acting strong. Disgust for herself on her tongue, she pushed the unwelcome thoughts of Della and Chiaroscuro away, and murmured with a soft smile, “That sounds easy enough. And something that I could do for you without any doubt.”

Snow clung to the bristling fur on her shoulders, along her sides, and coated her salmon coloured paw-pads. Sniffly, she shifted her paws out in front of her, flexing out her ivory toes so that the snow would ease out and ranking her claws through the dirt floor. Suppressing a last shiver, she gave herself and awkward shake to free the chilly white flacks from her coat. Once satisfied, she leaned her shoulder against Tourniquet’s and placed her head on her paws, closing her eyes to see nothing but darkness still. In her minds eye, she could see little Roscuro, with his fuzzy black puppy-like fur and shining yellow eyes, just as Della has described him to her. She could picture Della’s red, orange, and cream fur, and Jasper, and her parents, and Tasa, Silverwren, Phantom, Zabarack, and Tourniquet. All the loved ones in her miserable life. The only one whose picture was a lie was Tourniquet’s. A small sigh passed through her teeth. What did he look like anyway? She hadn’t been able to see him before she’d become blind.

That hardly mattered though. Tourniquet was everything she’d ever wanted and more than she deserved. Wordlessly, she licked his muzzle in affection and whispered to him, “I barely even know you. How could you be so nice to a stranger?” The question was rhetorical and was both aimed to him as well as herself. So many similarities, so many differences. She shook her head at the thought. Ridiculous, yet not. Though he was a stranger to her, already it seemed like they had more in common with each other than anyone else she’d known. “I’m never meant anyone like you, Tourn. Out of everyone I’ve ever met, from here or the North. You’re unquie.” A warm grin formed on her maw and she flicked her ears as she spoke again. “I don’t know how to describe what I mean. There’s just something about you that I like.” She stopped and looked away from him.

After a moment, she looked back at him, nudged him in the shoulder, and said, “Thanks again Tourniquet. For being here for me. You don’t know how much you’re helped.” Warmth filled her heart as she placed her head back on her paws.

We’ve been here before.

[Tourniquet]

Through this old forgotten fight.
There must be a way.

Lightly grayed paws slowly slid forward before the individual toes tensed and stretched out, caked ice and snow prying loose from slowly warming deep rust colored pads, the black claws clicking softly against a few stones before he pulled his paws back and relaxed a little. A grey weathered ear flicked upon hearing Alice's soft question and a smile could not help but curl his muzzle.

Slowly he turned his golden brown orbs up to the den ceiling, silently watching the flecks of dirt and buried pebbles with only half interest as he listened to the femme beside him, warmed by the fact she didn't sound as broken as before, her voice finally gaining warmth and a little life to it. But his expression faltered at her saying there was some quality in him she liked and he was unable to keep his ears from flicking back in slight embarrassment but soon recovered when she licked his muzzle.

For a moment he didn't answer but then he looked out to the falling snow, contemplating something. Before his uniqueness had always made him be considered either a freak or weak, it was never made something positive, never made something worthwhile or seemingly good... so her words helped ease a few of his own fears "There is too much suffering in this world.... too many good ones die and are maimed.... while the scum live and gorge themselves with other's pain....if I can do some good in this world... then I will." he murmured quietly, turning his muzzle and gently licking the top of Alice's head in a affectionate manner.

Slowly he lowered his head onto his paws and closed his eyes a moment, allowing his mind to wallow in the darkness for a few moments before finally he opened them again, slightly distracted by the call of a sparrow to it's mate. Then he watched the snow fall again, the white flurries dancing slowly to the ground before blending into the blanket of white; A frown creased his muzzle then. "At the very least.... I would like to be different then my home pack."

I would die for you.
Cross the sky for you.

[Alice]

I will send out a light burning for you alone.
Your all I need.

Touched by Tourniquet’s returning show of affection, Alice felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. There was nothing like the feeling of being loved. It was wonderful and marvelous at the same time. To feel the feeling of love was like taking a section of your heart and giving it away to someone better, were it would be under proper protection. Alice couldn’t help but feel that way, liking the feeling of having someone who cared. The Gods hadn’t been very good to her in this life. They’d killed her parents, her best friends, her son, made her loose the sense of sight…. And had she gotten in return for them stealing those who cared? Nothing. Nothing but more loss. All her life she’d felt like a walking disaster, bringing misfortune and death wherever she walked. She was a demon in wolf’s clothing, a destroyer of life and peace. By now, someone ought to have murdered her, to rid the earth of her hideous presence. Was that what the highly Tor and Fenris wanted all along? The smile began to fade from off her mouth till she was grimacing, her lips curled in the form of a snarl.

She sighed, long and heavy, and pushed the disastrous thoughts that were like sickly ghost from her head, although knowing they would reappear, as they always often did. One couldn’t stop oneself from thinking the negative, especially if that someone was a pessimist like herself. She turned her head to the side, so she was facing the open door of the den. The icy wind had picked up again, but Alice was sure that its breezes would slow and stop again before picking up with more speed. After all, spring was already one its way. Birds were out and about in the hours of dawn, singing tunes and fluttering from tree to tree; their constant morning chatter was a never-ending sound. Tonight though, with the darkness of night approaching rapidly with growing momentum, the crickets were chirping, a most eerie and soothing sound all in one.

Truthfully, Alice didn’t know how she should feel, or what to say. She was content to just let the silence of the night have its way and say nothing at all. But it didn’t seem right. She had so many questions because of her inquisitive mind, but she just didn’t know how to ask. Maybe just a flat-out question would be the best, if not easier. “Tourn…” she began, still staring at the open space of the den, feeling the light breeze brush her wet ebony nose. “You had an old pack once, didn’t you? I mean, before you joined Koran.” She paused, and then turned her head his way. Another ping of sadness pierced her heart as she realized again that she could never see him. She wondered idly, if he realized she was blind… but of course he would. No normal wolf’s eyes were cloudy like fog. Continuing with her questions, she asked, “Why did leave you leave your old home? What was it like? Was it different from Koran, from Transylvania, or much the same? What made you decide to leave and join Koran instead?” Her shoulder muscles tensed as she turned to face him, still sore from the bruises. “Do you have family there, back in your old home? Do you ever miss them?” She knew for a fact that she deeply missed hers. But they were gone, vanished from the world of the lively. And she would never see them again. “Do you ever… you know…” she sniffed, “think about going back?” She had. Always. She still had those thoughts. She still wanted, oh so badly, to go back up to the North. But then she didn’t. Here she had Della, her pack, and now Tourniquet, and how could she ever leave that? “Sorry for the questions,” she whispered, hoping he wouldn’t mind answering a mouthful of jumble. She was curious after all. And how could curiosity be a bad thing?

You set me free and this fire will guide you home.