Post by Fenris on Oct 7, 2007 6:28:35 GMT -5
Sometimes it's a lot easier to reply to a post, when you can see the scene being set by the other person in your mind. Which doesn't happen that easily (unless you have an overactive imagination like mine) when the post is something like:
Shayla ran down the slope, she ran to the river and lapped up some water. It was refreshing. Shayla felt lonely, she howled so that anyone nearby could hear her. She wanted someone to talk to.
All that gives someone, is that your character is feeling a little lonesome, and that there's a river and a slope. Nothing mentioning the time of day, the weather, Shayla's appearance, or her current feelings bar from lonliness.
Setting The Scene - Surroundings
Usually, in a first post, people tend to set the scene, which would be describing the surroundings, weather, etc. If you're not good at this, think of the five senses, and think maybe of a simile or two. Compare it to something. So instead of. The night was dark. it could be either:
The night was as black as pitch.
The night sky rippled above like a dark pool of ink.
The night felt as dark and cold as the abyss that was growing inside of her. (if you really want to emphasise depression, or something emo like that. =P)
I'm going to litter you with examples of descriptions of surroundings now (that aren't just mine), so if you don't already, you'll get the idea. And maybe get a little inspiration.
Shayla
The red dawn of a cold day had settled in the west, and the heatless light that it brought to the chilling lands of Transylvania had been of little comfort, save only as a reminder of the light of summer. It had been a sun that brought light only, and not heat enough to penetrate the chilled atmosphere, or warm the air enough, so that the breath of the living turned to mist - a sure sign of the chill winter that was just around the corner.
Now a chill twilight had settled on the lands of Transylvania, covered all in a cool shadow. Above, cold stars rippled up above in the dark mesh that was the darkening evening sky, and far down below on the chilled night-drenched earth where the shadows reigned, the cool breeze played with the trees - detaching autumn leaves and landing them in a soft rustle on the already leaf-strewn earth.
The woods were silent and still, and the canopy that had been so rich and full in the summer was now a mixture of brown and yellow, as the life faded from the leaves and they withered and fell, so that the once thick canopy was now patchy, and the cold and heartless stars in the heavens above -untouchable in all their glory - could be caught in tantalising glimpses through the fading eaves.
Tasá
The sun was just setting on the lands of Transylvania, basking the mist-ridden scenery in shades of smouldering flames. The forest looks like it basked in flames, the mist was crowned with a orange-red haze, and the grass, encrusted in dew that would normally look like diamonds was transformed into rubies. And on a lonely hilltop, there loomed the ruins of a castle, the fiery light flickered up it's blackened walls, and inside the charred and eroding stones quivered in the silence. Waiting the impending evening darkness to come.
The mist layered the ground, and lingered in the passageways of the castle, it seemed to have gone on ahead of the silent spectre that crawled like a parasite out of the place she had recently taken up residence. The reek of the Everglades clung to her like a leech, like it was her only friend, and the skeletal fiend prowled forwards. Stalking through the undergrowth, up the sides of the hill, until finally the vegetation became so dense, that it was simply impassable, and the vile creature slunk onto the worn gravelly path. Revealed in the light of the setting sun in all her 'glory'.
Draeg
As the first rays of golden sun shown down upon the land the Ge-Rad a lone figured stepped out from the confined shelter of the pack dens, amber pelt shimmering in the early morning light of the sun as he emerged to greet the day. Amber orbs bright and alert he stare out at the tranquil scene before him, taking in every detail as he survey his kingdom. Out in the horizon the fiery sphere known as the sun god Fenris painted the sky as he his ascent over the world of Man, frescos of pink, gold, and maroon soaring out over the vast forest and rolling meadows of Ge-Rad. His ears twitched as the air was filled with the symphony of countless birds, the tiny feathered lera greeting the day with their melodic song as they had done ritualistically each morning since the dawning of time. Battered snout upturned towards the heavens the brute pause to examine the air, rummaging through the old and familiar scents of Ge-Rad for any foreign scents that might have been carried in with the breeze. Nothing. Everything seemed to be in order for a change, still better to be sure. After all, one could never be too sure what threat lay waiting just beyond the border. And therein lie the assignment for the day, border patrol.
Ember Lily
The sky was alive with a canvas of red and yellow flame, the bottom of the work tinged with pink as the sun receded below the horizon. The sky was cloudless and the summer breeze whistled heavenly knowing that it would not be long before chilly autumn winds take over. Below the brilliant sunset canopy rumbled the ongoing waterfall, the liquid that flowed over it gurgled and splashed, kissing the lake below it where it fell. The water ran the froth condensed at the foot of the fall as the mists waved freely in the air. The water calmed now as it flowed further out into the lake, and upon the lake floated lazy lilies. Some perched upon a pad of leafy green, while others stuck out of the water like abnormal decorations that had been left or forgotten, but a delicate and perfect home they had here among the lake.
Shunké
The snow of Transylvania plundered down upon the frozen terrain, making it quite impossible to travel in the open. The skies were streaked with gray, making it nearly impossible to tell what time of day it was. Hopefully, Wolfbane’s winter would not last much longer, or else most of the Herla who have yet to complete their migration would be frozen alive. However, the weather was so unfavoring at this point that the herla now stood stationary, huddling in groups to stay warm and letting the snow pile on top of their thick winter coats. All Vargs who have been caught in this wrath, now desperately seek shelter. Only the wise ones traveled through the woods, which offered little protection from the falling snow. However, there was always a chance that the snow on the branches above could give, and bury the creature below alive. It was a small risk, but a very real one. Even so, it was well worth it, for the cutting wind was cut short of the tree lines.
-will finish later-
Shayla ran down the slope, she ran to the river and lapped up some water. It was refreshing. Shayla felt lonely, she howled so that anyone nearby could hear her. She wanted someone to talk to.
All that gives someone, is that your character is feeling a little lonesome, and that there's a river and a slope. Nothing mentioning the time of day, the weather, Shayla's appearance, or her current feelings bar from lonliness.
Setting The Scene - Surroundings
Usually, in a first post, people tend to set the scene, which would be describing the surroundings, weather, etc. If you're not good at this, think of the five senses, and think maybe of a simile or two. Compare it to something. So instead of. The night was dark. it could be either:
The night was as black as pitch.
The night sky rippled above like a dark pool of ink.
The night felt as dark and cold as the abyss that was growing inside of her. (if you really want to emphasise depression, or something emo like that. =P)
I'm going to litter you with examples of descriptions of surroundings now (that aren't just mine), so if you don't already, you'll get the idea. And maybe get a little inspiration.
Shayla
The red dawn of a cold day had settled in the west, and the heatless light that it brought to the chilling lands of Transylvania had been of little comfort, save only as a reminder of the light of summer. It had been a sun that brought light only, and not heat enough to penetrate the chilled atmosphere, or warm the air enough, so that the breath of the living turned to mist - a sure sign of the chill winter that was just around the corner.
Now a chill twilight had settled on the lands of Transylvania, covered all in a cool shadow. Above, cold stars rippled up above in the dark mesh that was the darkening evening sky, and far down below on the chilled night-drenched earth where the shadows reigned, the cool breeze played with the trees - detaching autumn leaves and landing them in a soft rustle on the already leaf-strewn earth.
The woods were silent and still, and the canopy that had been so rich and full in the summer was now a mixture of brown and yellow, as the life faded from the leaves and they withered and fell, so that the once thick canopy was now patchy, and the cold and heartless stars in the heavens above -untouchable in all their glory - could be caught in tantalising glimpses through the fading eaves.
Tasá
The sun was just setting on the lands of Transylvania, basking the mist-ridden scenery in shades of smouldering flames. The forest looks like it basked in flames, the mist was crowned with a orange-red haze, and the grass, encrusted in dew that would normally look like diamonds was transformed into rubies. And on a lonely hilltop, there loomed the ruins of a castle, the fiery light flickered up it's blackened walls, and inside the charred and eroding stones quivered in the silence. Waiting the impending evening darkness to come.
The mist layered the ground, and lingered in the passageways of the castle, it seemed to have gone on ahead of the silent spectre that crawled like a parasite out of the place she had recently taken up residence. The reek of the Everglades clung to her like a leech, like it was her only friend, and the skeletal fiend prowled forwards. Stalking through the undergrowth, up the sides of the hill, until finally the vegetation became so dense, that it was simply impassable, and the vile creature slunk onto the worn gravelly path. Revealed in the light of the setting sun in all her 'glory'.
Draeg
As the first rays of golden sun shown down upon the land the Ge-Rad a lone figured stepped out from the confined shelter of the pack dens, amber pelt shimmering in the early morning light of the sun as he emerged to greet the day. Amber orbs bright and alert he stare out at the tranquil scene before him, taking in every detail as he survey his kingdom. Out in the horizon the fiery sphere known as the sun god Fenris painted the sky as he his ascent over the world of Man, frescos of pink, gold, and maroon soaring out over the vast forest and rolling meadows of Ge-Rad. His ears twitched as the air was filled with the symphony of countless birds, the tiny feathered lera greeting the day with their melodic song as they had done ritualistically each morning since the dawning of time. Battered snout upturned towards the heavens the brute pause to examine the air, rummaging through the old and familiar scents of Ge-Rad for any foreign scents that might have been carried in with the breeze. Nothing. Everything seemed to be in order for a change, still better to be sure. After all, one could never be too sure what threat lay waiting just beyond the border. And therein lie the assignment for the day, border patrol.
Ember Lily
The sky was alive with a canvas of red and yellow flame, the bottom of the work tinged with pink as the sun receded below the horizon. The sky was cloudless and the summer breeze whistled heavenly knowing that it would not be long before chilly autumn winds take over. Below the brilliant sunset canopy rumbled the ongoing waterfall, the liquid that flowed over it gurgled and splashed, kissing the lake below it where it fell. The water ran the froth condensed at the foot of the fall as the mists waved freely in the air. The water calmed now as it flowed further out into the lake, and upon the lake floated lazy lilies. Some perched upon a pad of leafy green, while others stuck out of the water like abnormal decorations that had been left or forgotten, but a delicate and perfect home they had here among the lake.
Shunké
The snow of Transylvania plundered down upon the frozen terrain, making it quite impossible to travel in the open. The skies were streaked with gray, making it nearly impossible to tell what time of day it was. Hopefully, Wolfbane’s winter would not last much longer, or else most of the Herla who have yet to complete their migration would be frozen alive. However, the weather was so unfavoring at this point that the herla now stood stationary, huddling in groups to stay warm and letting the snow pile on top of their thick winter coats. All Vargs who have been caught in this wrath, now desperately seek shelter. Only the wise ones traveled through the woods, which offered little protection from the falling snow. However, there was always a chance that the snow on the branches above could give, and bury the creature below alive. It was a small risk, but a very real one. Even so, it was well worth it, for the cutting wind was cut short of the tree lines.
-will finish later-