Post by Fenris on Aug 7, 2007 11:41:43 GMT -5
A lot of posts I see have very simple structures, and can be a little simple to read. Sometimes simple can be a good thing, but sometimes it can get a little boring.
Here's a few tips to expand on the main point of your post.
(I will be using my character Shayla in my examples.)
Example 1:
The day was sunny and windy. A grey wolf ran through the grass. She loved this weather. She was happy when the sun was shining. She didn't know why.
Ok, so this example has too many simple sentences, too many full stops that obstruct the flow of the writing, and it's altogether very simple. It's easy to expand on though.
The day was sunny and windy.
This can be changed so easily and in a number of different ways.
1. The sun was shining, its heat and light radiated down from the heavens, and the day might have been in danger of becoming too hot if the wind had not have been blowing. Also bringing the temperature into the scheme of things.
2. The wind ran across the earth, seeking out every nook and cranny and daring every lera to race with it. Above, the sun was shining down on the antics of all the creatures that scurried far down below. More emphasis on the wind, and personifying the wind a little bit.
3. The rays of the Sun God Fenris shone down on the lands of Transylvania, illuminating the earth. The wind pushed and pulled at the clouds far above, sending them swirling across the heavens. The effects of the wind on the ground however, were less dramatic and much more refreshing. Mentioning the Sun-God from the book is an option in your post, even if your character is not religious.
4. Fenris sent his light and warmth down from the heavens above, making the day bright and the atmosphere cheerful. The wind blew, whistling over the plains and rustling in the woods. You can also comment on the effect the sun/wind has on things other than your character.
There are thousands of different ways to express 'it was sunny and windy', but for this one I'll stop at four.
A wolf ran through the grass. She loved this weather.
A few examples of how to better this would be:
1. A grey blur sped through the rippling grass, racing with the wind. A smile was on the she-wolf's maw and her pinky tongue lolled out of her mouth. This weather - with the smiling sun and the whistling wind - made her heart race and raised her spirits. A little more of a reason as to why she loved that kind of weather.
2. Something was moving through the waves of lush green grass. A grey faemme loped across the green, her long legs carrying her with a seemingly effortless grace. The atmosphere was infectious. Running with the wind made her feel free, it was almost as if she was flying with her heart soaring above the ocean of green as the sun shone above. The weather was so invigorating that Shayla felt alive, more alive than she had done for a long while. A lto more reference to feelings and the emotions that she is feeling and the way she is running, aswell as expanding a little on the grass, likening it to the sea.
3. A wolf ran across the lush expanse of grass, her silky grey pelt ruffled by the wind and a joyous grin spread across her maw. She loved this kind of weather, it was so refreshing. With the wind at her back and the sun blazing above, she felt young and whole again. A little more simple than the last one, but still with reference to emotions.
Here's a few tips to expand on the main point of your post.
(I will be using my character Shayla in my examples.)
Example 1:
The day was sunny and windy. A grey wolf ran through the grass. She loved this weather. She was happy when the sun was shining. She didn't know why.
Ok, so this example has too many simple sentences, too many full stops that obstruct the flow of the writing, and it's altogether very simple. It's easy to expand on though.
The day was sunny and windy.
This can be changed so easily and in a number of different ways.
1. The sun was shining, its heat and light radiated down from the heavens, and the day might have been in danger of becoming too hot if the wind had not have been blowing. Also bringing the temperature into the scheme of things.
2. The wind ran across the earth, seeking out every nook and cranny and daring every lera to race with it. Above, the sun was shining down on the antics of all the creatures that scurried far down below. More emphasis on the wind, and personifying the wind a little bit.
3. The rays of the Sun God Fenris shone down on the lands of Transylvania, illuminating the earth. The wind pushed and pulled at the clouds far above, sending them swirling across the heavens. The effects of the wind on the ground however, were less dramatic and much more refreshing. Mentioning the Sun-God from the book is an option in your post, even if your character is not religious.
4. Fenris sent his light and warmth down from the heavens above, making the day bright and the atmosphere cheerful. The wind blew, whistling over the plains and rustling in the woods. You can also comment on the effect the sun/wind has on things other than your character.
There are thousands of different ways to express 'it was sunny and windy', but for this one I'll stop at four.
A wolf ran through the grass. She loved this weather.
A few examples of how to better this would be:
1. A grey blur sped through the rippling grass, racing with the wind. A smile was on the she-wolf's maw and her pinky tongue lolled out of her mouth. This weather - with the smiling sun and the whistling wind - made her heart race and raised her spirits. A little more of a reason as to why she loved that kind of weather.
2. Something was moving through the waves of lush green grass. A grey faemme loped across the green, her long legs carrying her with a seemingly effortless grace. The atmosphere was infectious. Running with the wind made her feel free, it was almost as if she was flying with her heart soaring above the ocean of green as the sun shone above. The weather was so invigorating that Shayla felt alive, more alive than she had done for a long while. A lto more reference to feelings and the emotions that she is feeling and the way she is running, aswell as expanding a little on the grass, likening it to the sea.
3. A wolf ran across the lush expanse of grass, her silky grey pelt ruffled by the wind and a joyous grin spread across her maw. She loved this kind of weather, it was so refreshing. With the wind at her back and the sun blazing above, she felt young and whole again. A little more simple than the last one, but still with reference to emotions.